Who are You Following?

Every choice we make is a step toward a voice. In this episode, we're taking an honest look at what it truly means to follow Jesus, how the voices around us shape the people we become, and why following Christ changes everything—from our daily decisions to our relationships.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Hey friends, welcome back to this week's episode of We're Dealing Where Life and Faith Get Messy. My name is John Marie, and I want to thank you for being here with me today. Today, things are definitely going to get a little bit messy, maybe a little controversial, and you may not agree with everything that I say. And that's okay. This is where it's a safe space. We can talk about things, we can disagree about things, and I want to hear your feedback. So today I want to ask you one question. Who are you following? See, we whether we realize it or not, every single one of us is following someone. This week I used the illustration and I was doing a teaching on who are we following, on, and I actually had two people stand up and I had one represent God and one represent the enemy. And listen, the enemy could just be sometimes our flesh and our desires, right? It doesn't necessarily have to be the devil, you know, in a demonic form, but sometimes it's our flesh, and our flesh usually is not God. And so you're following one of two people. So one represents God, one represents the enemy, and the destructive patterns in our lives. And so this group of people were, you know, mostly saved and saying that, hey, I'm a follower of Jesus. And one of the things that I said in love is that if we were followers of Jesus, then we wouldn't be in the situations that we're in, right? And so, um, and that's a tough pill to swallow for a lot of people because everybody wants to say that they're a Christian. And there's a difference between knowing about God and then having a relationship with God and walking with him and wanting to obey him and wanting to make sacrifices and die to our flesh, like it tells us to do. And listen, these things are not easy. And we all struggle. And I go through seasons where I think I've conquered one thing, and then boy, the enemy comes in, and the next thing you know, I'm down the wrong road. And thank God he pulls me back and he has grace for me, right? But the reality is, is all of our choices, we're following someone. Sometimes we're following Jesus, sometimes we're following the culture and what you know, what sounds good and what is acceptable. And sometimes we're following our feelings. And listen, you got to be the boss of your feelings. I've learned in life that if I listen to my feelings every time, it will lead me most of the time down the wrong road, right? Sometimes we're following our wounds because we haven't dealt with our trauma and the things that we need to heal from. And so we're acting from that place. And sometimes we're just plain out following our desires. Sometimes we don't want to listen to God. Sometimes we don't even ask God things about what's going on in our lives. Like sometimes you don't ask God about a specific topic because you don't want to hear the answer, because you know the answer you're gonna get and you don't want to follow him in that area of your life. Tell me I'm wrong. So following is more than just believing in Jesus. The devil believes in Jesus, right? One thing that I've noticed is that Christians sometimes confuse believing with following. The disciples, sorry, did not just believe that Jesus existed. They left everything. They left their boats, they left their careers, they left their comfort and they followed him. He said, put down your nets and follow me, right? It was a symbolization of that they were going to leave their old life and that they were gonna follow him. He never said, just believe me, right? Believe in me. He said, follow me, and that is a huge difference. Belief changes your mind, but following changes your life. I love that, right? I can believe that God exists exists, and that starts to change the way I think. But when I start following Jesus and I start obeying the things that He tells me, His His instruction manual, which is the Bible, the instruction manual for life, and I start doing those things, man, it changes my life. Because all of those things in there, even though people will cry and whine and moan and complain about how I don't want to give this thing up. Listen, God doesn't tell us these things because he doesn't want us to have fun. He tells us because these things will lead to destruction. They just will. So let's think about when you go to work. I want to give this illustration also. Let's think when you go to work, right? So imagine your first day at a brand new job. Usually you're gonna train with somebody, right? You're gonna shadow someone. Someone is assigned to you. You don't argue with them. Maybe you do, but you probably get fired. You don't say, I'll do half of what you do. You watch them, you imitate them, you ask questions, and you practice because you want to get good at the job that they're teaching you to do. Your goal is to become successful by learning from someone who already knows the job. See, Jesus didn't just come to pay the price for our sins, although that was the big reason, right? To reconcile us, reconcile us back to the Father. He came to model how we were to live. And so everything that we read in red in the Bible is the things that we're supposed to do, right? So we're supposed to read it and then we're supposed to do it. It says in James, don't just be a hearer of the word, but be a doer. Because if you're not, you're like a man who looks in the mirror and then walks away and forgets who he is. And isn't that what we do? We go to church on Sunday, we sing, praise the Lord, hallelujah, and then you leave, and then you forget who you are somehow because you just want to fit in and you want to follow the crowd and all the things. And so you start following a different voice. You're following the enemy. And boy, that's an ouch. And that is something that we all need to examine in our life. Jesus says, walk with me, watch me forgive, watch me love, and watch me serve people, watch how I treat people, watch how I respond when I'm hurt, and watch how I handle temptation. And then he says, This do what I do. So ask yourself, who am I becoming? Am I becoming more patient? Am I becoming more loving, more humble, more honest? How about this one? Am I becoming more self-controlled? Because if not, maybe I'm following someone else. Not something we want to hear. We all want to go to church and say, hey, I'm a Christian. Hey, hallelujah, praise the Lord. And hey, what are the promises that God has for me? But let me ask you, who are you following? Because if you're following the enemy, hmm, how do you expect God to bless you? God says, ask for wisdom, right? He says that he'll give it to you generously, right? But he says that if you don't have faith and don't believe him and don't follow him, you are double-minded, unstable in all of your ways. And how do you expect to receive anything from the Lord? Gosh, these are some ouches. But when you get into that word and you start really realizing, why is my life a mess? Well, maybe because sometimes we follow the wrong voice. We become like whatever we follow. We become like the voices that we listen to. If social media is discipling us, we become anxious because we want to be like everybody else. If culture is discipling us, everything becomes about self, right? If bitterness disciples you, every be everyone becomes an enemy. You're paranoid, everyone's out to get you. If Jesus disciples you, love will grow, peace will grow, wisdom will grow, and self-control will grow. One of the biggest lies today is just just follow your heart. Jeremiah tells us that our hearts can deceive us. Jesus never said, follow your feelings. He said, follow me. Sometimes following Jesus means doing exactly the opposite of what we feel like doing. Get up, do it afraid, do it anyway. Die to your flesh, and that is not easy. So I'm not sitting here preaching like I have all the answers and I have it all together. But let me tell you, this works because when you follow him and his commands and his ways, it does lead to better life. And are there still areas where we all struggle? Sure, but you every day surrender it and you say, I'm gonna follow the right voice. So here's the part that I think is gonna get a little bit controversial. Well, it's all controversial to be honest, but here's where people get uncomfortable. I want to talk about dating and what that looks like. And this week I posted a video on my social media about dating and how people don't really date intentionally and how hard it is in today's, you know, dating world. And I just I got a little bit of feedback. And some people talked about how women are so independent and you know, they don't submit and just some things. And while I think that that's true, listen, I'm single, so I get it. It is hard in today's world, but on both sides for men and for women. There are women who are extremely independent and want to control men, and I believe that is true. But here's what I've also seen: there are men who they want the benefits of a wife, but they don't want to actually take the woman as their wife, right? And they don't really want to step up to the plate and follow God, but they expect the woman to follow them. And so dating reveals who we're actually following. Because most people, if you're a Christian, everybody says that they want a godly spouse, but very few people are becoming a godly spouse. We have people saying, I want a Proverbs 31 woman, right? Not because they're becoming an Ephesians 5 man, they want submission without sacrifice. They want the woman to submit to them, but they don't want to do their part, right? And vice versa. There are men out there who the woman wants that Ephesians 5 man who's going to lay down their life for them and provide and protect and all the things, but then they don't want to be the Proverbs 31 woman. Listen, this goes both ways, right? Here's the part that gets tricky in today's society, just saying, there are so many people that sit in the church pews and listen, not throwing shade because trust and believe, been there, done that. There are so many people sitting in the church pews who they want the intimacy without the commitment, right? So they want the intimacy without the covenant. There's so many people who have gone through life and been hurt and uh uh betrayed and all of those things, and they say, I'll never get married again. But then they want to get into these relationships where they want people to submit when they say they'll never marry them. How does that make any sense? Help it make sense to me. That is not the picture that Jesus gave us. There are so many people, and again, not throwing shade, I am not judging, but this is the reality of where the where the dysfunction happens in the dating world and where the breakdown in relationships and marriage and all of these things. You know, back in the biblical days, you didn't just go out and casually date, you you courted a woman, you met her, and you became betrothed to her. And during that time, you got to know her and you prepared for marriage. And back in those days, if you were betrothed, you actually had to present a certificate of divorce just to get out of the engagement, right? I'm not saying that we go to that extreme. That's a little bit crazy. But the reality is, is are you dating with intention? Or are you just like, hey, let's just see if it, let's just see where it goes, and hey, if it feels good, and hey, let's just have sex and do all the things. And then in six months you realize you don't even like each other, and then you're off to the next person and the next person and the next person. And again, been there, done that. It doesn't work. It leads to heartbreak, it leads to destruction, it leads to leaving you empty and you don't know who you are anymore because you've given yourself to this person and that person and that person. It doesn't work, it's not God's design. So, how did we get so off track? How is it that there's so many couples that are sitting in church pews that are living together? They're not committed to each other and they think that it's okay. Hey, I'm following Jesus. That is not following Jesus. It's not so let's go back to the submission part because that's where the topic went this week, right? I got a little bit off track, rabid. So this week I got some interesting messages about this submission topic. Biblical submission has probably become one of the most misunderstood phrases, words in Christianity. See, submission isn't control, it's not silence, it's not, hey, I'm the man, I'm the boss, and you do whatever I say. It's not slavery. A wife is called to submit to a husband who is first submitting himself to Christ. Boy, I love that. Because here's the thing. So you don't want to be my husband, but you want me to submit to you. So that means that you're not submitted to Jesus, but I'm submitted to Jesus, but you want me to follow you when you're following the devil. Hmm. Wow. And when you break it down like that, man, whoo doesn't sound real good, does it? But it's true. A wife is called to submit to a husband who is first submitting himself to Jesus Christ. A man who lays down his life, who protects, who serves, serves her, who loves sacrificially, who leads with humility, not dominance, Jesus never led with intimidation. He led by washing feet, he served, he had the best intentions for people. So think about this. If as a woman, I'm gonna flip it because I don't want to put it all on the man. But if as a woman I meet a godly man who's really, he's just he's following Jesus and he's following hard after Jesus, and his life is submitted, and all of a sudden I start, I start tempting him, and I start dragging him over to, and listen, men are men, women are women, right? So people have desires, people have temptation can can lead to to the wrong things, right? Let's just be honest. And so I start, how can I say that I respect that man and the relationship that he has with God and the anointing that's on his life, if I'm willing to lead him down the wrong road? Vice versa. If if a man meets me and recognizes that I am a daughter of God and that I have a call in my life and that I'm anointed, and that you know, that I want to do the right thing, why would he put me in situations and try to tempt me over and over and over? Why would he put me in a situation where I'm gonna feel like if I don't, then he's not gonna love me? And this is what happens. This is just real hard truth. Listen, I've been, I've I've talked to people in in the years of dating that literally will say, you know, I'm a Christian and I love God, but I just don't think I can do that. I'm I'm I just I don't think I could do that. You know, I need to see if there's chemistry, I need to see if we fit. And listen, here's what happens. You feel like, gosh, I'm gonna be alone again, listening to the wrong voice. You start to think, I'll never find somebody that's gonna actually wait. This is what we tell ourselves. And so you get wrapped up and you're like, well, might as well. Everybody else is doing it, God'll forgive me. And you make justifications for all the things. And I know because I've been there. But the reality is it doesn't lead to anything good, and you can't say that you're following Jesus if you're following the wrong voice. It's just the way it is. Here's the part that stings please don't ask a woman to give you the benefits of marriage, or please don't ask a man to give you the benefits of marriage while refusing to actually marry the person. Don't ask the person to play wife or husband without offering the covenant that makes you her wife or husband, right? I can't ask a man to protect and provide and all the things, and and then say, I don't really want to get married. I'm sorry. But hey, we can be intimate. No, that's that's not God's that's not God's way. So sex, living together, sharing a life, expecting emotional loyalty, expecting submission while intentionally avoiding commitment isn't biblically sound leadership by a man or a woman, right? A man's supposed to lead you. I'm not gonna follow someone that isn't following the Lord. Now, have I been in relationships, even though I'm independent, where I've met somebody who has a stronger personality? Yes, and I've learned to take a step back. Actually, I could finally breathe. And so there's value in that. But I'm not gonna submit if I can't trust you, if I know that you're not following the Lord, if I don't respect you, right? If I'm following Jesus, I can't follow someone who's actually walking the opposite direction. Equally yoked isn't just about going to church and believing in God. Being equally yoked means pulling towards the same destination. It is possible to sit in the same pew Sunday after Sunday after Sunday and still be following completely different masters. One is pursuing holiness and the other is pursuing comfort. One is pursuing obedience and the other is pursuing convenience. And that is not equal. So don't ask yourself the question, do they love me? Ask yourself, who are they following? Don't ask, are they attracted to me? Ask, who are they becoming? Who are they following? Who are they becoming? See, sometimes we're in this phase where God is working on us, and that's okay. But are they becoming the man or the woman that you need them to be? The direction of someone's life matters far more than the words coming out of their mouth. And listen, equally yoked, uh, you know, at different points in your life, it can it can look a little bit different. If I am following after Jesus and I'm involved in ministry and I'm serving people, and I have someone who wants to travel the world, that's not gonna fit for me. Although I can travel the world, just not all the time. Who's retired and wants to just me to quit my job and just travel the world? That's not gonna work for me because I am called to serve people. And so you have to think about what are your goals? What are your expectations? In life, where are you going? Are you following Jesus? Are you dying to yourself? Are you putting God at the center of all that you do? Are you letting Him make the decisions in your life rather than you make the decisions from your flesh, from your wounds, from your trauma? Which one is dictating your life? So I want to leave you with something that convicted me. And it's easy to point fingers and it's easy to sit here and say, you know, it's why I always include myself when I do these podcasts or when I sit with my clients and I teach, I always include myself because listen, we all have things in our lives, seasons and things that we struggle with, right? But man, I'm trying to follow Jesus. I'm on the road where I'm trying to do the right thing and I'm trying to follow Jesus and I'm trying to understand what do I need to do to be successful in life? And everything is in that Bible. And does that mean that I'm gonna have a perfect life? No. But I'm gonna tell you something. There are blessings when you follow Jesus. There are blessings upon blessings upon blessings. Does that mean that he doesn't love you if you make a mistake? No, he's he's so patient and so graceful with us. But there are so many blessings and promises in that Bible. But the truth is, and if you go back and listen to the very first podcast I ever did, listen, most of them are conditional. If you do this, I'll do this, right? And so I want to follow Jesus. I want to have the best life that I can possibly have. And so I need to yoke myself with somebody who has the best intentions for me, has the best intentions for my life and my call. Same thing goes for you. You know, if someone is so quick to want to get into this physical relationship and all of a sudden, you know, wants to thinks that you're too independent. Well, we're not married. You haven't made me a wife, you haven't made me a husband. So you don't get the benefits of that marriage until you're married. And everybody wants that beforehand. Everybody wants to do a test run, a draw, a dress rehearsal, right? They want to live together and see what it's like and see if it's gonna work. But that's not God's way. It's just not God's way, even though, yes, it would make things easier and it would maybe put our minds at ease and all the things. I don't know how we got so far off track, but that's not following Jesus. And it is easy to look at everyone else and what they're doing and what they're not doing, right? But Jesus always brings us back to the mirror. See, I have to look at myself in the mirror every day and I have to know what am I doing right and what am I doing wrong? Who am I following? Would someone become more like Jesus if they copied my life? Wow. Would my habits point people towards God or towards their comfort and towards the enemy? Would my habits and my life lead people towards holiness or compromise? See, I want people to look at my life and say, huh, I want what she has. And not because it's me, but because it's God in me. I want people to be pointed towards grace, not pride. Because every day someone is watching. The question is whether we're leading. Where are we leading? Where are we leading them? Where are we leading them? And sometimes, you know, it's that old saying bad company corrupts good character. Do we want to be the bad company? No. We want to lead people towards God and lead people towards a better life. And that goes for when we're in the dating realm, right? Or in the friend realm, but mostly the dating world, just because listen, that seems to be where my mindset is these days. I'm thinking about okay, God, am I ready? Am I ready? Am I ready to put my toe in the water? And I was telling somebody that sometimes I put my toe in the water and I realize that the water is freezing. And so I take it back out because people don't want to live the way God wants us to in relationships. They just don't. And that's sad, and it's not everybody because I don't want to use absolutes, but it's a lot of people. And we as Christians have justified a lot of things, and we've taken this grace thing to a whole new level where God will forgive me and He will. But we can't justify it forever and think that we're not going to pay the consequences. And I know because I've been there. And so I want to ask you again: who are you following? And see, Jesus isn't looking for perfect followers, he's looking for willing followers. People who are humble enough to say, I have wandered, I've compromised, and I've listened to the wrong voices, but today I'm going to choose to follow you again. And here's the beautiful thing about God, the beautiful thing about Jesus. He never stopped saying the two words he spoke over 2,000 years again. Follow me. Even though you head down the wrong road, he's going to welcome you back and he's going to say, I love you, my son, my daughter. Follow me. Who we follow determines the direction of our lives. Who we follow determines the direction of our lives. So I want to thank you so much for being here. And I just want to challenge you this week. When things arise and you start to hear things in your life, go back and say who who is talking right now. And think about is it God or is it your enemy? And who are you going to follow? I want you to just do that with situations this week because sometimes we're not sure. Or sometimes we know, but sometimes we have to literally physically visualize that for ourselves, right? I want to I want to see God standing there, and I want to see the enemy standing there, and then I want to see myself walking towards whichever one I'm going to follow. And that maybe puts it into perspective a little bit and gives the severity of how serious it is. But I want to challenge you to do that this week. And I know this topic is controversial, and we never want to think, hey, we're following the enemy, but sometimes we do. It's just the reality. So who are you following? I want to thank you so much for being here, for listening, for supporting. I want to ask you to share this with someone who you maybe think you think maybe could benefit from hearing this word, who maybe is struggling in certain things in their life. And I just want to ask you to like, subscribe, follow. That is how you'll get notified of upcoming podcasts. And I just want to thank you so much. And I just want to let you know that I don't have this thing altogether. And we're figuring this out, right? And we're doing life and we're dealing. And it is where life and faith get messy. But I want to thank you for doing that with me. Have a great week, and I will talk to you soon.