Life is Good, so why am I still Struggling?

Sometimes, we find ourselves in a funk and can’t even explain why or how we got there. We just know we are there and are fighting our way to the other side. 
We are not where we used to be.
Not falling apart.
But also not where we hoped I’d be by now.

Just tired.
Emotionally heavy.
Trying to make sense of life and God and healing and purpose and all of it.

So, how do we get ourselves to the other side?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, friends. Welcome back to this week's episode of We're Dealing where Life and Faith Get Messy. This is the place where we stop pretending and start telling the truth about what life actually feels like. Oh gosh. And we have an episode for you this week. Today's conversation is going to be really honest. It's not going to be polished, not super put together, just real. Just real. Sometimes we find ourselves in a funk. Can you relate? Can't even explain why or how we got there. We just know we are there and we're fighting our way to the other side. We're not where we used to be. We're not even falling apart. But also we're not where we'd hoped we'd be by now. So today's episode is life is good, but I am still struggling. I'm just tired, emotionally heavy, trying to make sense of life and God and healing and purpose and all of that. I think a lot of people feel this way, but don't know how to say it out loud, right? We get used to just saying, I'm good, I'm fine, everything's great. I'm grateful, I'm blessed. Yes, highly favored, yes, fearfully and wonderfully made. Yes, all of the things. So today I brought on Ellie because we are keeping it real today. Yes, we are. And she is gonna unpack this topic with me. So I am Dom Marie, and this is Ellie, and we are gonna talk about what it feels like when life feels confusing, exhausting, disappointing, or just plain blah. I know for me, the last couple weeks I felt a little blah myself. Just, you know, sometimes you think you're feeling like you're going through the motions of things. And so welcome to today's episodes, episode, and we are gonna talk about what it is like to live in the funk. What does that even mean? Ellie.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Well, I think you said it best in the beginning. You know, being in that funk is, you know, going through the motions. We're getting up, going to work, meeting all our expectations for the day, you know, just getting through the day, and then, you know, having those God moments and maybe a few moments of gratefulness, or maybe, you know, something happens that day where you, you know, you thank the Lord for it, but but there's that general stagnant feeling of I know I'm not where I used to be, but I still have a lot of questions and I still have confusion as to why things maybe happen the way they did, or maybe why did you have to lose this person in your life, or why didn't you get that job that you applied for? Or why is life not falling into place in the way that we think it should?

SPEAKER_00 3:20

I think sometimes so the way that I would define being in a funk is like nothing's really wrong. Life is good. So there's nothing that like happens, but you just find yourself slipping into this little bit of a funk, like not a full-on depression, but just a funk. And you almost feel like you're in a fog. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

And you're finding it a little difficult to find the joy in the day is not coming as easy, maybe for you as it did before.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Yeah, you just feel heavy. Yeah, everything feels heavy. Yeah, yeah. And you're not really sure why. So you can't put your finger on it, so you can't fix it because you don't really know exactly what's going on. Right. Yeah. Right. And so you're functioning, you're getting up, you're going to work, you're saying, Bless the Lord, oh my soul, I'm blessed, highly favored, life is good. And it's, I think it's hard to even talk to people about it because you can't put a definition to what actually is going on.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

And not only can't you put a definition to it, you know, I think also, you know, being equally yoked and and and, you know, always wanting to be rooted in Christ, and you are rooted in Christ. When you start to speak the truth about that, you almost feel like you're gonna be judged. Well, you're just not practicing gratitude. Well, you're not renewing your mind, you're not reading your Bible enough. This is the enemy attacking you. And so there's so much that goes into truly you feel like you're letting yourself down, and you feel like whoever you're speaking to is thinking, how rooted in Christ could she be if she's having all these feelings? That's interesting. That's truthful. So you almost keep it to yourself and then the enemy uses that as a footstool because you're you're wrestling with these emotions, you're quiet about it, you're isolated, because you're not living in that community where you can honestly feel like you can talk to your brothers and sisters in Christ to say, I believe, and I'm gonna bring this back to the Lord because I am rooted in Christ. But today is just not a good day for me. Today I am struggling.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

So I think you need to find those friends, though, we all do, that you can just say, Hey, I'm gonna tell you something. I just need you to listen, I don't need you to say anything, right? We listen and we don't judge that whole TikTok thing that went around. You know, and they're not gonna feel offended that you don't want their input. I don't need you to tell me how to live my life. Right. Right. I'm not asking you for the recipe. Correct. If you ask me, then I'm gonna tell you. But having people who can just sit with you in the moment and just listen. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

And sometimes even the even the the the gift of allowing somebody for you to just get it out, as ridiculous as it may sound, as off base as it might sound, as as as uh you know far-fetched as whatever your thought process is, no matter how far away from God it is in that moment.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

But you know what what where I think I mean I do that. Sometimes I give my advice unsolicited.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

I think we all do, because you know, I think we all are it's our natural instinct, especially as women, especially as being mothers, especially as being rooted in Christ, that we wanna comfort, we want to heal, we want to help problems solve. We don't like to see our friends and our family upset.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Yeah, but that's good feedback though, because I think people listening need to know like, hey, sometimes you just need somebody to sit, just listen. You know, keep your mouth shut. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

I was in a woman's group a long time ago, and I saw one of my friends sharing, and she was getting very emotional, and she was being very hard on herself, and she was being very emotional. And I jumped in and I was like, that's not true about you. You are a wonderful person, and you and I'm, you know, being the empath and the comforter. And the the the leader of the woman's group looked at me and said, She needs to be heard. She doesn't need you to solve her problem. And and that's what the very first time that I realized you don't always have to jump in to put the fire out.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Well, I know even, you know, with work, obviously I work with, you know, broken women, which we're all broken. So I don't want to put myself on a pedestal there. But, you know, I work with women who have suffered homelessness and, you know, lots of things, abuse and trauma and trafficking and all of that. And so one of the things that I've learned is you have to allow the space and you have to value their feelings, whether they're right or wrong. Because sometimes their feelings are so off base. Right. But allowing the space to be able to just hear them and valuing their feelings, putting value to that, right? Does that make sense? Oh, yeah. Because otherwise, it's like you're just you're no different. You're no different than the person who abused them or trafficked them or created that trauma. You're just stifling them, right? They need to be heard. Right. And they need to have value to their feelings.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

And you know, piggy banking off of that, you know, God can handle it.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Come to God in all that honesty.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Come to God in all that honesty. You know, the the honesty Well, God's not the problem. It's the people that are the problem. Well, you know, listen, I'm gonna tell you this there's a lot of people out there, and including myself, who when they are feeling a certain way, they want to reach out to their best girlfriends or they want to reach out to their sister in Christ. And sometimes we're a little more guilty of taking it more to the phone than we are the throne.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

We had this conversation earlier.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

We had a lot of conversations earlier, and there's gonna be a part of what we did earlier that's gonna come out later. I can't wait. But that's the truth. Oh Lord, what'd I say? So, no, but we have to realize that God can understand, God understands. You know, that's another thing that we always feel like we have to come. Listen, we always have to come to God in gratitude and praise and glory. But there are moments, and and and God knows our hearts where we're angry, we're confused, we're discouraged, we're upset, and we want to almost shake our fists at the Lord and say, Well, what why are you doing this?

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Yeah, I mean, I listen, when I was raising two kids by myself, I would literally get in the car and I would bang on the steering wheel and I would just cry out and yell and oh yeah. I mean, I would yell at God, I'm not gonna lie. I would yell at God. Yeah, you know, and so but going back to the phone and the throne, I think the problem is, and we talked about this, and a lot of us do this, is we keep ourselves so busy and distracted, yeah. And distracted that we don't actually, one of the things I said to you earlier is like, if you don't quiet the noise, and I don't mean you personally, I just mean people, if we don't quiet the noise, and I it took me years to get to this place, but how do we actually hear from God? And if we're so busy, which we do, we keep ourselves occupied, we want to hang out and we want to, you know, because we feel lonely. And but if we don't actually spend time alone with ourselves and our feelings, but it's two-sided, right? Because you have to get through the place where because when you first start doing it, the enemy's gonna start to attack your thoughts and your mind and all of that stuff. That's right. So there's a pushing through that you have to do, right? So if you're home alone, I mean, I know for me, sometimes if I'm home alone and my thoughts start taking over, I'll just put on some worship music or I'll put on a podcast or I'll put on something that's gonna, you know, shift my direction. Usually I try to put on music just because it takes the focus off of me. Even when I'm watching a podcast, I'm trying to figure out what can I get in, get from it that how is this gonna fill me? Yes. Whereas if I'm worshiping, then then I'm just the focus is not on me. It's just on God. Right. And it lifts my spirits and it changes my focus. So but sometimes being in the funk means we have to push our way through, right? Yeah. Yeah. And we have to learn how to be alone with ourselves and our thoughts instead of running to people, because people will give you advice and it might not be the advice you should take. We can't hear from God if we don't quiet the noise. Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Right. And you know, you're right, Dawn, because for people that don't like to be alone, and for people that maybe some of their trauma was based on the fact that they were alone. You know, the enemy uses different tactics. So the push-through of that, it's almost like that wrestle. You know, you gotta you gotta break through that. And and and the example I have for you, and believe me, this I'm taking all of this in because you know that I came to you today very discouraged, which is the reason that we picked this topic today. But you were so right, Dawn. It's gonna be difficult in the beginning. Being quiet with your thoughts and and and and and and just bringing them to God in whatever way you need to bring them to God. But if the enemy knows she doesn't like to be alone, when she's alone, I can work on her mind, then he's gonna keep you in that state. And it brings me back to when I was having those full-blown panic attacks. And I mentioned this in a previous podcast, but it's like you asked for God today. I've been asking for God to give me clarity and wisdom. When I was having those full-blown panic attacks, and I would lend in to them, those panic attacks, Dawn, they got worse and worse to the point where I was hospitalized several times. I was taken from my job, I was taken from public places, I was taken. And there was one night where the panic attack happened in my home, in my bed, in the quiet of the night, with two boys sleeping in the next room and nobody was coming to help me. And I remember that I just started saying the Lord's Prayer over and over and over again, louder and louder and louder. It was almost like, you know, when you come to the end of yourself when I couldn't take it anymore. I knew I was being held hostage by these panic attacks. And I knew that the enemy kept using them harder and more frequently because he had found that footstool. Well, and I will tell you this, and I'm a testimony to it, that was the last panic attack I ever had. That night ended it. Here's my point. If we can sit quietly with our thoughts and get through that hard part that the enemy is so used to using as a footstool for us and use that time to praise and worship and glorify and speak the truth and read the Bible and declare God's promises, how long do you think it's gonna be the devil's gonna realize that he's defeated? Well, every time she's alone with her thoughts, she's still glorifying the Lord, she's still testifying, she's still praising. This is not gonna work. So that was the clarity that I had today. Because to be honest with you, when I was sitting in my thoughts today and you turned on that praise and worship music and you were dancing around this place, I literally had not met you where you were with, and it was getting on my nerves. Truly it was. You know, when you're just in that funk, yeah, and I'm looking at you going, what in the Lord's name is she doing right now? Why is she not sitting here and meeting me where I am and talking to me about the way I feel discouraged today, the way I feel like I'm coming out of my skin today. And look what you did. And then what happened after that? I said, Don, I want to put on a sermon. I want to find something that fills me and speaks to me because I don't want to feel this way. And then between your praising and your glorifying and that beautiful, wonderful sermon that we listened to, we're here in this moment, and I'm gonna leave so encouraged. When I walked in, I was discouraged. That's my truth.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Yeah. Well, also, that's interesting. I mean, I could tell I was getting on the nervous. I'm not gonna lie. Totally tell.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Because I think when you're in a funk and somebody is rah-rah and cheerleading you, and you're not that right there yet.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Yeah, you're like, I just want to smack that person across the that's right.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

I'm not here to re- I can't receive this right now.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

Right. But the point of that was to show you, like, hey, this is what I do. And and I explained to you, like, I'm not in the greatest of place places right now, and nothing's wrong. But like nothing is exceptional either. Yeah, just going through some things, and you know, I shared a few things with you. And so I mean, not everything in my life is perfect, and you know, and but but I'm choosing that's right, right? That I'm gonna turn that music on, I'm gonna dance around my house. And yes, I think at one point you had a flag or something. What was the flag? I told you to get a flag. Yes, yeah. But these are the things that I've had to learn learn to teach myself. You what did I say? Sometimes you have to encourage yourself. That's right. Because in those times when you're home and you're by yourself, I mean, especially for me, at least you with you, your boys live with you. I don't have that, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:36

My kids are are gone, right? But and and I understand that. And but those moms out there also know, yes, you can have your adult children live with you, but your adult children have their own life. And your adult children are furthering their agenda. You there, your adult children are not the little babies that are hugging on your neck and kissing you, mommy. I tell you, I love you so much. You hung the moon, mommy. Play with me, mommy. So there's a sense of loneliness in that as well. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

But again, like, and I've shared this several times with friends, and so there were seasons where I couldn't stand to be home by myself, and I I would get in my car and I would just drive. Right. And I would turn on worship music. And it was because I couldn't stay, because I knew my thoughts were gonna take over if I was home by myself. So I would get in the car and drive. I wouldn't ever leave the town. I mean, the town's not that big, it's you know, 20 minutes. I would just drive in circles for three hours.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

I've been there, I've done that a few times in my life.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

But over time, like now, I'm like, oh God, I just I I love being home and having that peace. And I told you I drove to Jersey this week. It's an eight-hour drive. A good portion of that drive, I mean hours worth of that drive. I have no music on. I'm just I'm waiting to hear from the Lord.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Yeah, that's wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

You know, but it it takes discipline and training yourself to get to that point. But the point is that you'll never get out of the funk if you don't learn how to hear from God. Right. And if we don't quiet the noise, we can't tell what's God, what's our thoughts, and what's the enemy.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

We don't know. Sometimes we think things are God and they're not, because we never took the time to quiet the noise. And you know what?

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Those those feelings of discouragement, if we get quiet enough with God, He will reveal the answers as to why things are the way they are, why he had to maybe remove people from your life. Because we cling on to what's comfortable or what's fun or what's brings us joy in the flesh, right? But God knows what what is coming next for us and what we need to put down and what we need to do to prepare to be the person that he needs us to be. So while we don't understand the why, and we definitely don't want to wait, he doesn't give us the entire vision of why we have to be, let's say, in these pruning seasons, why he had to remove people from your life. You know, I I mentioned this to you today, Dawn, and I'm gonna say this again to you. When I pray, what is that uh you you you don't pray correctly or you don't ask correctly? But there was a lot of things that I did ask correctly for, and when God gave it to me, He didn't answer my prayer in the way that I thought it was gonna look. I'll give an example. God, I want to live in peace. I just want peace, God. And then God took about a handful of people of mine that I thought would be in my life forever and ever and ever in a day, and He removed them. God said, You asked me for peace. Yeah, God, I asked you for peace, but I didn't ask you to feel lonely. But I had to make you feel lonely because those people that were in your life were not bringing you peace. And remember, I hear conversations you don't. I know what their heart stirs for you. I know what they bring to your life. I know what their intentions are for you. They may smile in your face, but that's not what they feel for you. So I did answer your prayer. I gave you peace. And you go, huh. Is that what you meant by that, God? Okay. That was difficult for me. But he answered my prayer. He answered my prayer in a way that I could never fathom. But he had to break my heart to answer my prayer. And sometimes we want the prayer to be answered, but we want it to be answered in the way we want it to answer. And we don't want to be hurt, or we don't want to let go, or we don't want to lose, or we we don't want to we wanna we wanna shuffle the pieces of how we want God to answer our prayer. We don't want to suffer through the answered prayer. We want, we don't want to get to the other side of it. We just want it to be answered, answered now, and answer it in a way that I feel calm and peaceful. I don't lose anything, I don't have to be tested, I don't have to walk through, you know, any trials or tribulations. Just answer the prayer. And I don't know about you, Dawn, but every answered prayer that I've had had to be in a way that broke my heart in some way, shape, or form. And that was something that was very, very difficult for me to wrap my brain around. Pruning seasons are very difficult seasons. Pruning seasons are very feel like a forever season.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Yeah, but we talked about this too. Like we want peace, but we want to hold on to the people that don't bring the peace. But then we don't really want those people in our lives anyway, because you don't bring peace to my life. That's right. Like in some of these cases, you made the choice that, hey, I need to remove myself to protect my peace, right? And sometimes, you know, like you said to me today, like sometimes you ask God, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 24:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

But sometimes that God gets the black eye for people's choices and mistakes and betrayals and hurts and all the things. Like God gives us free will and people are people, and people are not always kind or nice or have your best intention. No, they just don't. And so people are still gonna act the way they do. I mean, what's what's amazing is as we talked it through today, I think you came to a different perspective, like like you just said, you asked God for peace and he gave it to you, just not in the way that you wanted. That's exactly right. We also talked about how, you know, we our our friendship circle should look like that dartboard, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

And there's a bullseye in the middle. And I said this if you have one person in the middle, you can't fit that many in that circle. Right. Right. And as you go further out, you can still have layers of people. They just don't have as much access, right? Right. In the inner circle, there should, if you have one person, you're good. If you have four, you're rocking it. You have an amazing life.

unknown 25:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

But we don't need, we we want, we want people all the time. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Yeah. There's, you know, that expression, you know, do you want four quarters or do you want a hundred pennies? Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

Right. Does that person bring value to your life? You don't give everyone the same access. And learning how to be able to figure out there are some friends that are just your fun friends. And they're not gonna always have your best interests. They're not always gonna, when you tell them things, they're not gonna be equally yoked and give you godly advice and all those things, and that's okay. But they only have so much access. Right. And if you start to put them in the boxes that they have, you know, do you know what I'm saying? Like, okay, you're my friend box. Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Or you're my acquaintance box.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Correct. Then then we can go through life and we're not we don't get our feelings hurt as much.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

And you know, it was interesting. I I was listening to I want to say it was a sermon. And they said that sometimes, and I could see myself having been in this situation several times. When you meet somebody, you tend to overshare because oh, I don't. Yeah, I I was always guilty of that, and I've been told that. You know, I overshare and I'll I'll I'll you know, and I'll I'll I'll I'll say a little bit too much about my in-depth life, maybe, you know, my childhood, or, you know, things that have been happen that happened to me, maybe a past relationship, or I don't know, why my marriage failed, or and I gave too much access to myself too soon. And I think maybe that came from a place of, well, if I show you my vulnerability and you show me your vulnerability, then I must be safe with you. Does that make sense? Because if you're you're gonna share and you know, and I'm gonna share, and we're gonna cry, and we're gonna tell each other things that maybe not everybody else knows, then we must have this bond and I must be safe with you. And you're never gonna betray me, and you're, we're gonna, we're gonna be on a different level here. And that's where I made a lot of my mistakes in my relationships, because that didn't guarantee that. Just because you put down those walls and you, you, you, you, you know, you overshare or you give somebody too much access into what happened to you, that doesn't, that's not gonna buy loyalty and caring. That doesn't mean that person is gonna fill your cup. It means absolutely nothing.

SPEAKER_00 28:43

Yeah, well, the Bible says guard your heart. Yep. For out of your heart flows all the issues of life. And and I think the idea is not to build a wall, but to build a gate. I heard this one time years ago, and I just it really stuck. Don't build a wall, because if oh if you build the wall, then no one can get in.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

Right. But if you build a gate, then I can let you in and then I can also kick you back out, right? If you build a wall, if somebody sneaks around, it's harder to even get them out.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

You know?

SPEAKER_02 29:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:19

Because you have this hardness of heart, right? Yeah. So because you have the hardness of heart, even if somebody sneaks their way around, for some reason we become this codependent on them.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

And then we don't know how to get them out because the wall's built, we can't kick them out.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Just put a gate. The gate opens and the gate closes, and you can let people in and you can let people out.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

And you don't put so much, I think what's what's important in that, in in what you're talking about, is you know, sharing too much with people too soon. Like those, those are places only God should have access to. And that's right. If God should give you someone in your life that He says this person's safe, and over time you've built that trust and that safety.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

Right. Over time.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Over time. Over time. Yes. Over time. Yeah, I'm probably the opposite. I don't, I don't open up and share. I don't, you know. And that's not because I have it more together because hey, I have the answers, and hey, I guard my heart and all the things. I just I just don't give people access like that. Yeah. You have to earn that trust, you know.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

Yeah. Yeah. And there was a lot of hard lessons that I had to learn by being that that person that wore my heart on the sleeve.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Yeah, but it's almost like trauma bonding. You it's almost like you're looking for trauma bonds.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

That comes from a place of being unhealed.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

That comes from being in a place where you you God is not your source. And as you grow and as you mature, and as you stay rooted in Christ, and you single-handedly watch God's testimonies in your life that only come from his sovereignty and his goodness, that's when you start to realize all good comes from God. You can spend your life trying to fill yourself with people, but you're always gonna end up empty in some way, shape, or form, because nobody fills us like God.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

But that's why it's important to sometimes take those days where we talked about. Yeah, you know, take your beach chair and just go to the beach by yourself and just spend that time with the Lord because He's gonna give you, and this is what I've learned, He gives me His perspective. If I go to people, they're gonna give me their perspective, and their perspective, even as good as sometimes it is, it's not always God's. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 32:04

Well, it's listen, Dawn, it actually comes down to an opinion.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

If you come to me though, and you start sharing something with me, and then and then I jump on your hurt wagon and then I start feeding that thing because I'm coming from a lens of people have hurt me too.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

Well, what good is that gonna do? Right. Whereas God can start to work with you and soften your heart and show you things and give you his perspective. And I'm not saying that God doesn't send people into our lives and we never can go to people, but never go to people more than you go to God. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

So that that quiet time with the Lord is the most precious time. And it's just amazing to me how if you get stuck in that mentality of I can't be alone because you don't understand the enemy pokes me at that time. The enemy, do you know what that's actually doing? That is actually taking your time away from the Lord. And is that not another enemy tactic?

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Well, you're also speaking it.

SPEAKER_01 33:07

You're telling the enemy all of your secrets. Right. When I'm alone, that's the time to come and get me. My door's unlocked. Wow. I think your little dancing around today didn't did wonders. I hope we're helping folks out there.

SPEAKER_00 33:27

I mean, sometimes I, you know, listen, I I know it's silly, but just turn on music and just encourage yourself and remember God's promises.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Remember who you are.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Remember who you are, no matter how hard it is.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

David danced till his clothes fell off. And I'm not, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

Thank God you didn't do that.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

Right, exactly. But I'm just saying, like I because I'm by myself, I've had to learn how to sit with God and let God encourage me and and also to encourage myself, right? Yeah. Because sometimes nobody's coming to my rescue.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

That's right. And you know, the fruit of the spirit that was the sermon that we listened to, self-control. Self-control. And the more we practice self-control, the more we can defeat a lot of things and a lot of those strongholds that we have is the self-control. Do you know that I cannot wait to go home and be alone? I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 34:36

I I really mean that. I cannot wait to go home. My both my boys are working. I cannot wait to go home and be alone.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

That's why you were like, okay, let's get this podcast.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

You did your little dance.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 34:51

That's so funny.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

Yeah. And and it's time to break that stronghold, you know, that that that people that have been through trauma have. I can't be alone. I need to be constantly hurried and distracted.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

I hear that from my girls all the time. I mean, sometimes I'll be like, where do you go all day? What are you doing? Like, and they're like, I just can't stand to be by myself. I can't, my thoughts, you know, I my thoughts, my thoughts, my thoughts, my thoughts. But the problem is, is you're you're never dealing with those things. And so you're constantly running for the rest for the rest of your life from those thoughts. And your thoughts dictate your actions.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Right? And your feelings, which dictates your character in your life. So it it really starts all with your thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 35:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

You know how you said you used to drive around?

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

I used to drive around also, but the difference was I used to stop at a store and I always would buy something and I would call it retail therapy. So I would go buy something. I don't know if it was a shirt to wear to work the next day or a dress, and and then I would come home and I would be so happy because now I had something exciting. You know what I mean? It was just another form of deflection and distraction from the real issue.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

Right. But you never get free. That's yeah. And really that is the key is learning how to be able to be alone with yourself so that God can speak his perspective and his thoughts and his ways and his guidance into your life so that you can live free, so that you're not dependent on people.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

Right.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

You know, I mean, there people will hurt you. Even the best of people with the best of intentions will hurt you, right? I mean, it's just the reality. But if you're if you're constantly looking at things through God's perspective, I think in one of those, as we were looking for a sermon to watch, that guy talked about like learning how to love people. No agenda, right? No transaction. I mean, we live in this no benefit. No benefits, just love people. We can't do that if we don't get love from God. We can't pour that love out to people.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

And so we're constantly depending on validation, right? It's like we we we want to trauma bond with people because we get their validation, they get ours, and then we become codependent on that relationship.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

That misery loves company mentality.

SPEAKER_00 37:18

Yeah. But we never actually get free.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Right. We just recycle it.

SPEAKER_00 37:23

Does that mean we're never gonna have seasons where we're in a funk? We're always gonna have seasons where we're in a funk. It's just reality. It's just life. The enemy does come to steal, kill, destroy, right? It's just the way it is. Some people get seasonal depression, sometimes it's it's gloomy and there's no sun and there's no vitamin.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

There's all the reasons sometimes it could be hormonal.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

There's all the reasons why we get in these funks. The thing is, is how do you pull yourself out of the funk? Right. Right. And that's what I think is important. And I think it's important to again not constantly going to people because their lens is gonna start to be your perspective. Yeah. So how do you pull yourself out of the funk?

SPEAKER_01 38:16

Well, the first thing you have to do is be honest with God. That's the first thing that you have to do. You have to be honest with God and because honesty invites his comfort. If you're you're spending time, you know, going to other people and trying to fake it till you make it, you're not inviting God's comfort to come in. So that's the first thing that we have to do is we have to just shake those fists at God and just tell him what we're feeling. And, you know, you you mentioned about the the book of David, you know, and and he was honest with God. Very. You know, why are you doing this to me? Why is my soul so downcast?

SPEAKER_00 39:02

What I love about David is he wasn't perfect. I mean, listen, he had an affair, and then he had the woman's husband killed, and I mean, he was not a perfect person, but yet he had such a heart for God, right? He's known as a man after God's own heart, right? So it means that we don't have to have it all together.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

How encouraging is that, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:23

Yeah. I mean, read the Bible. They they were a whole hot mess, and then some. So I think learning how to like set boundaries for yourself, right? So it's like, what do you actually do when life feels heavy and you're emotionally stuck? Because I think that's what happens. We get in a funk and then we get stuck there. And it starts with just small steps, right? Getting some rest.

SPEAKER_01 39:48

Yeah. And you know, remembering God's promises and remembering who you are in Christ and and not basing who you are on who he removes from your life. So if he removes your best friend or he removes a family member that you cherished, remembering that you're still rooted in Christ and trusting that your identity is still in him and not whoever he removed. And so when, you know, we did you and I had done a podcast once about our identity. So if he takes away the role of daughter or best friend or wife or manager, is that lending to your discouragement because of what was removed and you feel like it's a part of your identity that went away?

SPEAKER_00 40:43

I think it's too like remembering nothing that's for you. I have to remind myself of this often. Nothing that's for you will miss you. Nothing that's for you will leave your life. Nothing. And so if God removes someone from your life, there is a very good reason why he did that. And maybe it's just for a season, and maybe that person will come back. Maybe you missed an opportunity that you, you know, are upset about, or a a friend that you wanted to connect with and it didn't happen, or you know, a boyfriend that maybe never came into existence. Oh, just all these things that why we get ourselves into these funks, right? It's all usually people. People are the problem.

unknown 41:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 41:27

But I mean, if we really realize that nothing that's for us will ever miss us, like how encouraging is that? Every opportunity that is for you will not miss you.

SPEAKER_01 41:41

And what's not for you will never stay.

SPEAKER_00 41:43

Correct. So if we could just really grasp that, right, we would be, we would live in spirituality.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

We would feel a lot safer than we do.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 41:52

You know, it all comes back to trusting God. It really does. And and you know, another thing that we can do is kind of what we did today with you with your dancing, dancing queen. I know I take too much. The praise and worship and glorify anyway. When you don't feel like doing it, that's when you need to do it the most. Correct. And that's what what happened today. And we ended up turning this day into glory and worship and praise. And that was not exactly what I wanted to happen today.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

What did I'm gonna ask you a question? And it's not really, so don't get offended, but it's not really just for you. But I'm just thinking to myself, like sometimes we we want people to join our party.

SPEAKER_01 42:46

No, I think what I wanted or what I was looking for today was what you started the podcast off with. Is sometimes you need somebody just to listen, not immediately try to fix it. And you did do that. We did have that talk. You let me cry a little bit in public. But then when we came, when we came back, it was like, okay, now what are we gonna do about it? And that is there was that part of me that knew that that's exactly what you would do.

SPEAKER_00 43:23

Well, because one of the things you said to me is you've been feeling this way for three weeks now.

SPEAKER_01 43:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:28

Right?

SPEAKER_02 43:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

So I'm gonna listen, I'm gonna take it all in, I'm gonna let it process, let God tell me what to do. But then we came back here and it's like, okay, let's that's right. Let's put our praise on. Yeah, that this this funky funky feeling has been has been kind of And trust me, that was for me too. Because I mean, I put this podcast together before you even came up, came here today. I was already gonna do this topic of what to do when you're in a funk and you feel blah and you gotta have it all together. And you got to show up and this was already on the topic of on the list of topics.

SPEAKER_01 44:04

And God is in the details.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

So, you know, we all feel that way in at times in our lives. And and sometimes there's no real explanation. It's just like we're just going through the motions.

SPEAKER_02 44:14

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

You know, and we're not getting any f real joy in anything in our lives.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

That's right. You know, there's a difference between, you know, fulfilling your obligations for the day and flourishing.

SPEAKER_00 44:27

And sometimes it's because, you know, we we we want to be somewhere that we're not yet. You know, we're in the middle, and the middle is hard.

SPEAKER_01 44:34

Yeah. You know, waiting is is hard.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

That's where God meets us the most, though, in the middle. Right. You know?

SPEAKER_01 44:41

You know, when the removal is clear, but the where you're headed is not visible yet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:48

Yeah. And maybe that's where I think a lot of people find themselves today. They're not who they used to be, not fully who they're becoming yet. They're just becoming. And becoming is uncomfortable. Yeah. Right? Because it means you're stretching, you're having growing pains when you were a kid. Sh shredding your what is that? Shedding your skin. Yeah. And you're like, wait, I like my skin. Becoming is uncomfortable, but it is important and it's sacred too. And so cherish the moments where you're just becoming. Learn how to be alone with yourself, be alone with God, and get his perspective, get his guidance. Sometimes you got to just put your joy pants on, whether you feel like it or not. You know, there's something that makes me feel joyful when I put that music on and I dance around. And even though I'm not, I don't start out feeling joyous, but you do it. And it's like, okay, this is good. This makes me feel good. Right. You know, God can speak to me through that.

SPEAKER_01 45:51

And you know, and in those moments is when you you have that realization, what if I what if I don't make this about me? What if this is about what it's supposed to be? Glorifying and praising an almighty God. So you almost have to take yourself out of this. You know, God says when you are discouraged, be a blessing to somebody, right? So why not be that blessing to yourself to take yourself out of your own head and make it about who it's supposed to be about?

SPEAKER_00 46:25

Well, I think when you glorify God, actually God shows you, hey, you don't really have it that bad. He actually starts to show you all the good things in your life and you come out with a different, again, a different perspective. It's all about shifting your perspective. It is. Because really, a lot of times we are crying ourselves a river and we look at our lives and we think, Well, I really actually have it really good.

SPEAKER_01 46:47

Yeah, we when we're in these kind of funks, we tend to look at more what we don't have than what we do have, and that whole sense of gratitude. And write it down in your gratitude journal and look at your gratitude journal at night, and every day write something about that. You're when you're in that kind of funk, believe it or not, you can go through a whole day and and think, okay, well, I just had exactly the same day that I had yesterday. I I don't I don't know what I'm grateful for. You're a little almost hard-pressed, but when you when you draw near to God, you know, and I told you that 15 minutes before we started the podcast. Every day that the good Lord wakes me and my boys up and brings my boys safely to me home at night and we're resting comfortably under our roof, that's the biggest blessing of the day. Anything else after that. But there's times where you're like, okay, I already know that. I know, I know. Next. Okay, I know. But you gotta keep that renewal of the mind, and you have to, you know, focus on more what you have than what you don't have. Because if you focus your life on what you don't have, you're always gonna be miserable.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

Always.

SPEAKER_01 48:04

But if you focus on what you have, you're always gonna be grateful.

SPEAKER_00 48:07

Correct. Yeah. You have a job to get go to, you have a car to drive. I mean, I say all the time, I don't know how people take public transportation, right? I mean, I have a car. I have I have a job.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

I have the money to put the gas in, I have the health to work and to provide.

SPEAKER_00 48:28

Right.

SPEAKER_01 48:28

It all starts with he woke me up and I have the health and I have the opportunity to work and to provide for me and my children. I live in a safe area, you know, all of those things.

SPEAKER_00 48:40

Also, just you know, in closing, like remembering that as God removes people from your life, he sends people too, you know?

SPEAKER_01 48:48

Yeah. And and here's where I think, and you're right, because he has to prune you to bring you the people in your life that are gonna be equally yoked to you, or gonna help you further the purpose that he has for you, or that he's gonna bring those people that are gonna do life with you. But I think what happens sometimes is that the removal feels like it comes quicker than the replacement. Does that make sense? The removal is so abrupt and so harsh and so hurtful, and then the replacement takes a lot of waiting because there's a lot that we need to do in that waiting. So we, you know, we almost would be like, okay, I understand. Go ahead, take that person out of my life, but tomorrow, can you bring the replacement in?

SPEAKER_00 49:38

Well, there's a certain amount of healing you have to do so you're not, again, bleeding all over people, right? Right. But also, you know, one of the things that I'm realizing too is we, you know, and I I've heard this said so much recently, is the idea used to be like, you have to be healed before you can get in relationship, or you can't have friendships or dating or any of the things. But honestly, that is how you actually heal. You actually heal more in relationship. God designed that so that you would help each other, right? There's truth in that. It's like when when he put Adam and Eve together, even right, I'll make you a helpmate suitable. If Adam could do all the things for himself, why would he why did he need to send Eve? There's a certain amount of we're not in relationship for us, right? It's like, let me let me see if I can explain this. The relationship will start to m change you and and make you a better person. Don't you find that?

SPEAKER_01 50:45

If you're in the right relationship, I was just gonna say, depends on the relationship. If you're in the right relationships, and you're equally yoked and you're both rooted in Christ, and okay, you grow, you stretch, you you compromise, you challenge each other, you encourage each other.

SPEAKER_00 51:02

But you don't, you don't, you're not always fully healed. There's a a season where you have to heal before you can just so you're not bleeding out all over people. Right. But I think sometimes people come into your life life and they they hit something that maybe you they can help encourage that healing.

SPEAKER_01 51:20

And before you know it, you're healing without even knowing you were healing. Correct. But as you said, that's that is dependent on the right relationship, not just the next one that gives you some attention.

SPEAKER_00 51:32

Right. When we can't be trauma bonded with everybody that we come across. Right. That's not healthy. Yeah. So you feel better? I too. Do you? I do. All right. Yeah. I mean I dance through my kitchen in the living room with a flag. With a flag. So I'm good. So if you're listening today and anything about this podcast spoke to you, I just want to encourage you to share it with one person. If life feels heavy, if you feel emotionally tired, confused, discouraged, stuck, in a funk, or just exhausted from caring so much for so long, I just want you to know that you are not failing because you are struggling. Life can be okay. It can be a both end. Life can be okay and you can still be in a funk and still struggling. I think a lot of times we find ourselves there. My life is good. I don't understand, but I feel like I'm in a funk. Healing is messy, growth is exhausting. That's some truth.

SPEAKER_01 52:33

Pruning seasons are lonely.

SPEAKER_00 52:34

Yes, and faith is not always loud. Sometimes it happens in the quiet, still moments when you cut out the noise and you are alone with God. And just remember that God has not abandoned you in this season, even if you can't see what he is doing yet. And maybe your right job right now isn't to have everything figured out. Maybe your job right now is simply to keep going slowly, honestly, one breath at a time. Thank you all for sitting with us in this conversation today. This has been We're Dealing and Where we stop pretending and we start actually healing. So remember, even in the fog and even in the exhaustion, even in the questions, God is still there. We're dealing and we're gonna get through it together. Thanks so much, Ellie, for joining me today. Thank you for having me. And we'll see you next week.