Kindness When People are Not

Let's talk about Kindness.....

Kindness when people are NOT!!!!!

Not kindness when people deserve it.
Not kindness when people are polite and respectful.

I’m talking about kindness when people are rude, petty, unfair, manipulative, or just plain mean.

You know those moments when someone says something sideways to you… and for about three seconds you forget that you love Jesus?

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome back to this week's episode of We're Dealing Where Life and Faith Get Messy. My name is Dawn Marie, and I am joined with Ellie today. And today we are talking about something that for some people might sound simple, but if you're from the north, it's definitely not simple. In real life, it's incredibly hard. We're gonna talk about kindness when people are not. Not kindness when people deserve it, and not kindness when people are polite and respectful. Bless your heart. I'm talking about kindness when people are rude, petty, unfair, manipulative, or just plain mean. You know those moments when someone says something sideways to you, and for about three seconds, you forget you love Jesus. I've been there many times over. Sometimes you're thinking, Lord, can you just hold my salvation for about five minutes while I go handle this situation? We've all had these moments. So today we're gonna talk about what the Bible says about kindness, oh Lord, and why it actually benefits us more than the people we give it to. This is where life and faith really do get messy because sometimes it is not easy. Sometimes I've said this to you, Ellie, I just want to go poke somebody's eyes out. And then when they can't see it coming, I'm gonna punch them.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

And that is awful. Yeah. It is not biblical.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

But in Proverbs 11:17, it says, those who are kind benefit themselves, but the cruel bring ruin on themselves. Kindness isn't just about helping someone else, it actually protects your heart, your peace, and your character. So today, Ellie and I are gonna unpack this issue. And I have to tell you, in case you haven't noticed, we are from the north. Shocker. Ellie's from New York, and I'm from New Jersey. And so sometimes we're a say it like it is kind of girls. That's right. And so sometimes this can be a little bit challenging. But I'm excited about this conversation because this topic, at some point in our lives, hits every single one of us. So, Ellie, I want to ask you a simple question. It's never simple, but go on. Have you ever had one of those moments where someone tested your Christianity just a little bit?

SPEAKER_02 2:47

Beyond a shadow of a doubt. What is today's date? Right. What time is it?

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Tell me a story.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

You know, I uh it's funny when we s we started talking today, and and I knew we were gonna do this podcast. God put it on my heart, and it was a story that actually happened when I first moved to the South. You know, bless your heart. And I was in a store and I was buying a mirror and heavy mirror, so I needed some help. And the salesperson said, Oh, I'll send somebody right over to help you. And I waited, and this gentleman came over to help me. And it felt like the minute I opened my mouth and I said, Well, thank you so much, you know, for coming to help me. This is the one that I want. And he picked up that I was from the north, I could immediately see a shutdown. And to be truthful, throughout the whole transaction, he ended up carrying the mirror from this from the department to the register, right? Because I've got to pay for the mirror, and then the to from the register to my car. He literally did not speak one word to me, despite my trying to have a conversation with him. And I was trying, you know, beautiful day we're having, and thank you so much for that. Do you want me to grab an end? Uh, you know, I I'm trying, and I'm supposed to be from New York, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Which is funny because every time I'm out with you, even today, I had to tell you, please stop talking to everybody. Thank you. Please stop speaking. Please stop saying, very kind to everyone who's well, thank you for noticing that.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Yes. Yeah. And and you know how you learn to be kind because you receive unkindness. And that's the truth.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Well, by the end of this transaction, he literally put the mirror in my in my car, put the truck down, the trunk down. And in that moment, you know, I I I I I I wanted to let the New York come out in me, you know, and just point out how rude he was, and you know, what is your name? And I'm gonna just speak to the manager and all that. And I I I I don't know if it was me trying to get acclimated to the South or if it was because I was trying not to be that and you know, to be better. But I just simply looked at him and I just said, and you have a blessed day. And I thought in that moment he would say, at least you two. He said absolutely nothing, turned on his heel, and walked back into the store.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

All because you're from New York. Bless your heart. Yes. Do you know I when I first moved here? Oh Lord, we're on a north and south discussion. When I first moved here, I had to go get my license switched over. And I thought bless your heart was like a sweet thing to say.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

Oh, bless your heart for thinking that.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Yeah. And so I went to get my license switched and I was talking to the lady, and and she said, Well, if anybody ever says bless your heart, it just means you're so stupid. And I thought, Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Yes, ma'am, it is passive aggressive.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Right. Which is funny because I think when you're from the north, people think because you just speak your mind that you're aggressive, but people speak their mind, they're just very passive aggressive about it here, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:31

So yeah, takes all kinds, yeah. You know, which is why I I look for the, you know, what's in your soul rather than where you live in geography.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

I think that's funny that the guy was rude to you just because you're from the north, but whatever. And I think one of the biggest biggest struggles is that natural like defense mechanism, like all of a sudden we want to retaliate and say something rude or unkind, or bless your heart, or who do you think you are? Right. Or, you know, Google review. Yeah. Well, I don't know if I would say Google review, but I would probably be like, who do you think you are? Right. Right. My Jersey girl would definitely come out. If someone's rude to you, you automatically want to be rude back, right? If someone's petty, we want to show them that we can be petty too. And kindness often feels like the opposite.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

Kindness feels like weakness when somebody's doing that to you.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Right. Yeah. And why do you think that?

SPEAKER_02 7:34

Because it's it it feels like you giving them permission to treat you that disrespectfully. And in that way, it feels weak because you're not you're not defending yourself or standing up for yourself. And it's almost like you're giving them permission. You're admitting that they're stronger and you're weaker, and I'm allowing you to treat me that way.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Yeah, I think there's things you can say though, or do. Have a have a blessed day. Yes. I think sometimes you get your point across. I I've told you this before. I think it's sometimes just about protecting your boundaries. Like I can remember, oh gosh, sometimes, and this was my dad, but like I would be on the phone with him and he would just be mean and negative and all the things, and I I and I at one point in my life I took it, but then at some point I would just say, Okay, you call me when you're in a better mood. I gotta go, bye-bye.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

I like that.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Because I had to protect my peace in that situation. I didn't I wanted to retaliate, but then I got to the point where it was like, what was the point? Right. It wasn't gonna change the situation, it wasn't gonna do anything. So I would just say, Okay, you call me when you're in a better mood. And he got that. Like I didn't need to be mean to him. He understood what that meant. And I would just hang up and I would go about my business. Right. Like I'm gonna keep my peace regardless of how you act, right? If you want to act a fool, you act a fool all on your own. I'm gonna keep my character and my integrity. But that's not easy. That isn't easy.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

And and you know, it's it's difficult even when you're rooted in Christ. Imagine much how much more difficult when you're not. You don't have control of your emotions, you don't have a control, you don't have that self-control. But, you know, in reality, it is it is difficult. And, you know, as much as we're rooted in Christ, and you know, nobody knows on any given day where somebody is just gonna kind of be the cherry on the Sunday of you having a lot on your shoulders or a lot on your mind, or you know, and that's why they say be kind. You never know what somebody's going through, you know. And it's not always easy to to to to walk that walk, and you know, I'm gonna give this to God. I'm gonna give this to God, you know. You you hope that you would do that in that moment. But sometimes, you know, we always said life is messiest in between the Sundays.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Well, so think about so I want to go back to that verse. A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself. It's a different version. Think about that situation of you and that guy in the store. And what's sad is is how miserable he must be in his life. Sorry, man, whoever you are, somewhere if you're listening. But like the fact that you would be cruel to someone just because I mean, and I get it, people think we moved down here, we're taking over, all the things, but like how how unkind and bitterness must be in his heart, right? And how miserable he must be to treat people like that, right? That's why it says a cruel man actually hurts himself because what happens is you grow this bitterness in your heart and it makes you miserable. Who wants to be miserable? That's right, you know. I mean, most of the times that I've been in situations like that with my dad, he was not in a season where he was a happy person.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Wasn't joyful, huh?

SPEAKER_01 11:16

No. So he he had to take it out on somebody, so usually it was me, right? So I would just say, okay, you call me when you're in a because the other choice was is don't have a relationship with him. Right. Right? Which I could have done too. But I chose to stay in relationship and see him through God's eyes, right? But I also still protected my peace. Was it always easy? Oh no. Right?

SPEAKER_02 11:42

Not at all. And especially, you know, if it's it's somebody that you are in relations with, whether it's a friend or a coworker or or, you know, a family member, the more they know you, they know how to poke you. And they know what's gonna get that that reaction from you, and they know what's gonna hurt your feelings, and they know what's gonna make you angry. And and and that actually hurts you more because they know your weakness or your vulnerability, and they're using that to strike you more. You know, whereas a perfect stranger, maybe not saying thank you when you hold the door open for them kind of feels, you know, rude, but not so hurtful. But when you when you're actually being poked at or instigated, how much harder it is to keep your peace when somebody's actually using your weakness against you and calling that love. And calling that love. So, you know, it is it is a struggle, and you know, and you know, there's you know, it's what I've found that I need to do is, you know, I I I don't know if it's if it's the right way to do it. I don't know if it's but I I I literally I I have to just force myself to practice the pause. Literally have to force my force myself to practice the pause. And one way that that has helped me as I've gotten deeper in my walk is you know the awareness of spiritual warfare. And I go back to that because it is the root of so many things. So if I can put it into that, that in my mindset, okay, this is a test right now. And and that's you know what gets me through. I have to put it in my mind is okay, I'm being tested right now.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Well, I think what I what I'm thinking of is when it says in the Bible, we don't wrestle against flesh and blood, right? Which is a person, right? So when somebody ticks you off and makes you want to lose your sugar, it's not the person, right? We have we're spirit beings, and either God's using us or the enemy's using us. And even if you're a Christian, you're still subject to be used by the devil. Oh, yes. So, and I've seen that happen a lot, and I think that's where sometimes it becomes tough when there's people who there's they're Christians and they're you know, they're in your life, whether it be your family or relationship or your friends or in the workplace or whatever, and they're Christians, but they're not always kind people. I mean, I've heard it said that sometimes Christians are probably some of the most unkind people.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

I've experienced that.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

I mean, look at look at social media and the all the arguing over political things and arguing over the Bible. These are all Christians.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

Dawn, I was actually at one of my very first Bible studies when I moved here, and it was one of the most off-putting experiences of my life. And this was a Bible study in somebody's home, and it was a conflict over an interpretation of a verse. And why while I can't remember what the verse was and and what the address is of that verse, it's that's irrelevant. I will tell you that this became such a heated argument that one person stood up, literally put their finger in somebody else's face and said, I rebuke you to hell, or you're gonna go to hell, and and it became so emotional and vicious. People were walking out of the Bible study, the argument went on into the driveway. And as a as a Christian, one of my first Bible studies in the area that I live in, I thought, Lord Jesus, if this is a Bible study where we come and honor, give all honor and glory to you and learn your truth, what am I looking at? What am I seeing? And and and and you know, it was not the first time that I have seen something where even having a healthy conversation about the Bible and the truth in the Bible will lead Christians into uh on a war path almost.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Yeah, I mean I don't think what I've seen is people do not know how to agree to disagree. Yes. You and I are friends. Yes, ma'am. We may not agree on every issue, and sometimes we don't.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

We don't.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

And that's okay. We're still friends, we still love each other very much. We can still have discussions about it.

SPEAKER_02 16:33

We're not gonna Well, you know what I always tell people. It's like my sister, she's my best friend, but we don't share a brain. So if you don't share a brain, we all have our own ideologies, we only have our own experiences, we have our own ways of thinking, but it has to come back to respect and kindness and understanding and compromise and and all of the things that make a relationship healthy, nobody's always gonna agree with everything.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Well, I I think sometimes people think they can change somebody's mind. And listen, um, we're all guilty of this because I've done it too. It's like you think that if you keep saying the same thing over and over, and maybe you say it louder and louder.

SPEAKER_02 17:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:15

Or you use specific examples or if you get a little more adamant about it or a little more heated about it, that someone will change their mind, and maybe you can fix them, so to speak. But the problem is is only God can do that, right? We can plant seeds, only God can change somebody's mind about a topic. And that's why I tell people all this all the time, and I, you know, teach this to when I'm training people to be kind to people, you know, volunteers at my work and stuff. It's the kindness of God that leads to repentance. So if you want someone to change their heart or change their mind because they're in the wrong about something that the Bible says, you're not gonna change their mind by being mean about it.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

When did that ever work?

SPEAKER_02 18:00

Right. You know, that's that's more ego and pride than it is the character of God.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

That's what that is.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

You just want to be the loudest and the rightest.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

That's the truth. It says, Whoever it says, do not neglect to do good and to share what you have for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. Hebrews 13, 16. It says remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy towards all people. I love when the Bible gives us some ouches. That's Titus 3:1, 2. Love one another. I love this one. I told you this one before we started. This is Romans 12:10. Love one another with brotherly affection, outdo one another in showing honor. Can you imagine if we just did that? Outdo one another in showing honor. We were talking about this today, right? When somebody gets a blessing. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

We experienced that today.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Yeah, I got I got a couple blessings.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

I did too. And you know, and it was great. And you were happy for me. I was so happy for you.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

It was amazing.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

And you know what? It was, you know, you know me with my God is in the details. I that's my story, and I'm sticking to it because I know it's the truth.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

I know.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

You know, you and I experienced me trying to be a blessing for you today, right? Truly wanted to make your life better in some way. And in doing that, I received actually a double blessing, if you really want to think about it.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Well, I also think if so go back to earlier in the day when we were talking about, so I found a sweater that I liked, and the owner gave it to me half off, which was amazing. So pretty. She was pretty, I'm not gonna lie. And so, and I said to the owner, like, are you sure you can do this? And she said, I'm the owner, I can do whatever I want. Praise Jesus. Anyway, we both liked that sweater. Yeah, and you didn't get jealous.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

I'm jealous, no, ma'am.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Which was really shocking, I'm not gonna lie. Listen, girls are petty.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Well, listen, you know, and I will tell you this, and and you know, I'm sure I went through a season of of jealousy, and you know, and and and we all do as women, you know what I mean? But you know, it's it's it it's it go it goes back to a couple of things for me. And I think it took a lot of years in being rooted in Christ to realize this. There's there's two things that go through my mind. First and foremost is, you know, if you if you feel that feeling where you are jealous of somebody else's blessings, but you but are you willing to take on their storms too? So if you want their blessings, do you want their trials and tribulations too? I had a rough week. I needed that blessing. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 21:06

And that's the truth. And here's the other thing. You know, when we pray God's will be done, think about that. God's will be done. So, Miss Dawn, if God is giving you a blessing, that is your anointing, that is for you. Who am I now to say, how come for you and not for me? You know, that is that is not the character of God. If you're gonna pray, God's will be done, that means guess what, Dawn? What God has for you, good, bad, or indifferent, belongs to you, darling. And the same for me. And here was the other part of that, if I must be real. We are the same size. So you buy it, I borrow it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

That's probably true. Yeah, yeah. All right, so let's talk about loving people from a distance and protecting your peace. Right. So let's just say that you have people in your life who are just not kind. Right? How do you love people from a distance? How do you protect your peace? How do you protect your peace? Because some people we can't love from a distance, right?

SPEAKER_02 22:15

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

I mean, what if they're your family members? Now you can distance yourself. What if you have to see them every day? What if it's somebody in the workplace? Like, how do you protect your peace in those situations? Because I'm not gonna lie, I mean, I was at work the other day and my clients, not even, you know, I had to keep telling them, I was like, I'm practicing patience. And they they know they have grace for me, just like I have grace for them, which is amazing. But I had to keep reminding myself, like, I'm practicing patience, I'm practicing patience because sometimes they do things that really get under my skin.

SPEAKER_02 22:58

Because we're only human.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Right. So it's a two-way street, like they have to practice patience with me too, right?

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

So, how do I still be kind and loving and have grace and all the things and get up every day?

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Well, you know, Dawn, you said it best actually on our last podcast. And and I'm gonna piggybank off of what you said, and I'm gonna take it a little bit further if I can. You said how it helps you is that when you look at that person, you see them as a child of God.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

It's the only way you can do it.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

That's exactly correct. And and here's the other reality that is so very true. We were unkind to God in our rebellion, in our sin and in our darkness, were we not unkind to God? And through his grace and mercy, we were forgiven and and and and made clean and all that. So maybe if we try to think of it as, and it's and it's difficult to do right in that moment, you know, it's it's it's it's easy to kind of get through the moment and then maybe go home later on and kind of think about it and get that conviction and you know, go to repentance to God. But if we can think about our unkindness and how we were forgiven, and you know, especially on a day like today, Good Friday, right? The unworthiness and the sacrifice that was made for us. And it's not easy to always think about that, and and you know, maybe we should think of that more often. But we were unkind as well. And you know, here's the other thing too God knows our hearts. So just because we're walking around and bless your heart and you to death, God knows if you have that unkindness in your heart anyway. So it is with discipline and with, you know, asking the Holy Spirit and and God to draw near and and to to to you know go back to those fruits of the spirit that are not easy to do. So we can walk around with that smile on our face and say, See, Lord, I didn't answer. See, Lord, I bless them. But are we really walking away and praying for them like we're really supposed to?

SPEAKER_01 25:29

Yeah. We've been teaching about that at our street church at work, the fruit of the spirit, and it the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

All the things that we are every day.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

What's interesting to me is self-control comes last, right? And I feel like you have to have the self-control to practice the rest of them, right? Like you're not always going to be joyful, so you have to have some self-control when you want to lose, you know, all the things. But I talked about one week, because I gave the message if you were born with a musical gift, right? So we're so when we come to know Jesus, his spirit comes inside of us, right? So you have the Holy Spirit in you, and with the Holy Spirit comes his fruit, which is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. You already have it. It's already in you. The problem is, is we don't practice it.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

And then we say things like, and we had this discussion too, like, well, I'm just human. We use that way too much. I'm just of the flesh. Way too much. The fruit of the spirit's already in you. You have to practice it. So you're born with a musical gift. God gave you that gift, you're born with it. If you don't get practice in it every day, if you don't get up and play the piano or you don't play the guitar, or you don't play the violin, practice it every single day. You're never gonna really get good at it, are you? Right. You'll have the gift, but you've never actually like refined it to be where you'll be that musical genius. It's the same thing. That's right. You have to practice it.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

It says the battle reveals our dependency on the Holy Spirit. Kindness is a fruit he produces in us, not something we manufacture alone. It grows slowly, often through failure and reliance on God's word and prayer.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Right. If you were if you're an apple tree, you don't get up every day and say, I want to, I wanna make apples, I want to make apples. You're gonna naturally make apples.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

You're an apple tree.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Right? Here's the question I want to pose to you. Oh, this is this might not, you might not love this. So it's easier, I think, sometimes to show kindness or to bite our tongue or to practice this when it's somebody ticks you off. What happens when somebody comes for your kids?

SPEAKER_02 28:19

You knew to go there. You knew to go there.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

Well, I'm the thinking of Come on, Mamas out there. Well, I remember like when my kids were younger and they were living in my home, or even now, right? Or my grandkids, even my clients, everyone at work knows I am so super protective of my clients. I am the mama bear.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

And so And you know you're speaking to one.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

If you come for one of them, I'm coming for you. And so you want to talk about practicing. I sometimes, I don't want to say always because I don't always, but sometimes I do fall short when it comes to somebody else, it's harder. So what do you do then?

SPEAKER_02 29:05

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Yeah, stumped you there.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

Yeah, no, you know what? You didn't stump me, but you convicted me because probably nine times out of ten I'm gonna fail. Yeah. And I'm gonna end up having to come back to the Lord in repentance and you know, have that emotional conversation with the Lord. And yeah, yeah. I I'm I'm gonna be real with you right now. I think that that's probably gonna be, you know, something where the enemy would be able to get a footstool on me because of just what it is. I mean, you're a mother. I don't even have to go there, I don't have to explain it to any any of those mamas out there. That's when the struggle is, you know, Lord, be my strength in my weakness, right there, right there. Lord, please be the strength in my weakness because I'm about to catch a charge. And that's the truth.

SPEAKER_01 29:59

God, can you hold my salvation for about 10 minutes? Yes, maybe a little longer.

SPEAKER_02 30:05

All right, because I have two children.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

I mean, Jesus cut a man's ear off, remember? Right? Not Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

I was gonna say that was Peter.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

Peter. I'm sorry, Peter cut a man's ear for Jesus, right? But usually we're defending somebody else more than it is we're defending ourselves. So, yes, and I love Peter, I can relate to him. Yes, he was not perfect and he ran his mouth way too much. He got himself in trouble. Yes, I can relate. But it's not a suggestion to be kind to people. I know, it's a command, even if it's our kids or clients or whatever, right? So, what happens when someone insults you or insults your kid? What happens when someone misunderstands you, right? And I always say when someone can't control you, they try to control the narrative about you so that other people that's right.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

Nice big smear campaign. That's right. We got a conquer and divide and smear campaign here, right?

SPEAKER_01 31:11

Yeah. What do you do then? Right? That's when the testing comes. What happens when you're treated unfairly or you find out someone's gossiping about you? Right. What do you do in those situations?

SPEAKER_02 31:25

You know, and it's I think the the the the longer we live, and you know, and I hate to say this, but as women, we know that we've we're around that. And you know, and and you and I have talked privately about how that can snowball very easily, and how that is hard to to stand on your truth. And I've had that happen to me a few times in my life, and you know, I just it was very difficult to keep my peace. It was very difficult to keep this big Italian New York mouth shut. Yes, ma'am, it was. But I just I would have never guessed that. Never, this meek and mild soul. Yes, oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

So bless your heart.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

I know, right back at you. But I do I I put this idea in my mind, and I finally just started to live by it that you know what, a house on a hill can't be hidden. And if I could work on myself and put myself in a position where it was undeniable that I was rooted with Chroted in Christ. And Dawn, believe it or not, for me, the deeper I went in my walk, the more the smear campaign and the laughter and the persecution, you know, went behind my back because misery loves company and people love you in darkness. When they want to stay in darkness and you're going towards the light, you're persecuted.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:56

You're called every name in the book from hypocrite to phony to crazy Christian. So it just you have to be steadfast in that and you have to really truly just look upward and onward. And that and it takes time and it takes patience and it takes discipline and and and resilience. And it takes all the things, not to say your line, but it takes all those things to walk that, you know, to walk that narrow walk. And it's it's not easy. And it's it it I cried a lot and it felt very lonely, and there was a lot of pruning seasons, but I just knew that if I just continued to to stay steadfast that eventually my house would be built on a hill and it couldn't be hidden.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Well, in in Luke 6.27, it says, love your enemies and do good to those who hate you. And I think when you're kind to those people who are not kind, that is what you're doing. You're shining a light into the darkness, right? And so it's really up to us. Like if we really want to change the world, right? We have to be kind to everybody.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

And you know, the the ones that were persecuting me, that was kind of my thinking that at the end of it, they would say, Look what I was trying to do. But at the end of it, I want what she's got.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

Yeah. Well, you and I have talked several times about even in those situations and those people, what happened in their life? And you know, I I talk a lot about trauma-informed care, right? And teach on this at work and all the things, but what happened to a person to make them that way? Something happened, right? So trying to, that's why I can look at people through through the lens of, you know, they're a child of God and how God looks at them. I try to look past the meanness or the cruelty or the things like there's a reason it triggered something, something happened to them, something happened to them to make them unkind. But this is what I know Jesus said, love your enemies and do good to those who hate you. And that radical teaching still stands today. It wasn't just for the people that he walked with, it still applies to us. And loving people who don't love you back is not easy. You can you can not like them, but you're still called to love them.

SPEAKER_02 35:35

And and and and to be clear, because we talked about this when we talked about forgiveness, loving them does not mean that you have to constantly be in that entangled, detoxic, dysfunctional situation. It means loving them in your heart, praying for them, you know, not seeking revenge, you're not smear campaigning them, speak well of them. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. So it is not necessarily love your enemies, means continue to go towards them and let them continue to abuse you and and and degrade you or be in that toxic situation because God doesn't call us to do that.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

Yeah, but sometimes it's just in the moment. That guy who carried your mirror around. Right. You never see that man again. But you had a test in the moment.

SPEAKER_02 36:23

Oh, I did.

SPEAKER_01 36:23

That's the thing. Like sometimes it's man, I really want to punch that guy in the nose, or I really want to give him a piece of my mind.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Right. I wanted to show him what New York was.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

I can't. I can't. Cruelty might feel powerful in the moment.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

You're in control because I just lost my you know what.

SPEAKER_01 36:45

Yeah, but kindness builds something much stronger in the long run, right? That's right. Because it's building it in you. That's right. It's not about the other person, it's about building it in you. It's about building your peace and your character and a heart that reflects Christ. So, with that said, Do you have another question for me? Oh, Lord have mercy. No, no more questions. But before we close today, I want to leave you with a challenge. Think about one person in your life who is difficult to love. Maybe they're rude, maybe they're negative, maybe they have hurt you. This week, choose kindness anyway. We have to choose it, right? In that moment, we have to choose it. And it's not because they deserve it, but because you refuse to let someone else's darkness change who you are. You get to walk in the light. Let them walk in the darkness. My line is you can act a fool all on your own, but I'm gonna walk with character and I'm gonna walk with integrity. And I try to do that the best that I can. Do I ever lose my cool? Sometimes, but I will tell you, when I was younger and I lived in New Jersey, I was I would speak my mind in 30 seconds flat. I was brass, and I just felt like I I felt this need that I had to be heard.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

I was just gonna say that you had to be heard, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

And again, that's a trigger response too, right? That's a that's a trigger response. That's I've not been heard in the past, so now I feel I have to be heard even if it's not kind.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 38:34

I don't need to be heard now.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

That's right. You know, and and and one of the things that help me is, you know, what I do is between me and God, and what you do is between you and God. That's none of my business.

SPEAKER_01 38:48

Yeah. So again, this little reminder don't let someone else's darkness bring you in, right? Don't let it change who you are. You walk in the light. You got anything else to add? Because I'm gonna end this ship.

SPEAKER_02 39:10

End it.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

Okay. I'm coming in for the landing. So if this episode encouraged you today, I want you to share it with one person. And I said this last week, you can share it with five, but just one who might need the reminder. Sometimes the right conversation at the right moment can change someone's whole perspective. So until next time, choose kindness, protect your peace, and keep walking in the character of Jesus. Have a great week, and we'll see you soon.