Why Can't you Just Let It Go?

Why can’t you just let it go?

Letting go is hard because most of what we’re asked to release is tied to identity, pain, justice, or control. When people struggle to let go, it’s usually not just about the situation itself — it’s about what that situation represents in their life.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello, friends. Welcome back to this week's episode of We're Dealing, the podcast where life and faith get messy. My name is John Marie, and joining me this week is my friend Ellie. Say hello, Ellie. Hello, Ellie. I love when you do that. Today we're talking about something that sounds so simple, but is actually one of the hardest things that God ever asks us to do. And if we're honest, faith sounds beautiful in theory, but real life faith can feel very confusing, very painful, and sometimes it's deeply disappointing. So let's start this week with dealing with a question. Why can't you just let it go?

SPEAKER_00 0:47

That is a loaded question. It sure is. Why can't I let it go? Probably because I'm not Elsa from Frozen.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

I can't. This song is permeating in my brain right now. So letting go is hard because most of what we're asked to release is tied to our identity, right? Like even just that. You just said to me because you're not Elsa from Frozen. There you go. Right? So we are wrapped up in identity. We're wrapped up in our pain and our need for justice or even control. When people struggle to let go, it's usually not just about the situation itself, it's about what the situation represents in our lives. That is deep. So here are some of the things that I believe people struggle with when they're faced with letting something go. And I'm going to read through them and then we're going to talk about it. So the first one is letting go of control. One of the hardest things for people to is surrender and control over the outcomes. People want to have control, and control is really just an illusion. Two is letting go of someone who hurt you. Sometimes forgiveness can feel like we're actually letting someone off the hook. So why does holding on to anger sometimes feel safer than forgiveness? Letting go of the life you thought you would have. This one you know that I have struggled with myself and is incredibly deep. It has a lot of grief attached to it. Sometimes what we need to release is the future that we actually imagined for ourselves. Number four is letting go of bitterness. Pain that isn't processed eventually becomes bitterness. Number five is letting go of shame. And this one is huge for so many people. Some people aren't holding on to what others did to them, they're holding on to what they actually did to themselves. Number six is letting go of identity tied to our pain. Sometimes people hold on to their wounds because it becomes part of their identity. And is it possible to unintentionally build your identity around what hurt you? Number seven, letting go of the need for justice. And this one is incredibly difficult for so many people because people want accountability, they want acknowledgement, they want fairness, and sometimes closure never comes. I can attest to that. Can you release your need for justice and trust God to handle it? Hmm. And the last one is letting go of fear. Whispers if you let go, you'll lose everything. If you trust again, you'll get hurt again. What if the thing you're holding on to is blocking the thing that God wants to give you? And sometimes the reason we can't receive what God has for us isn't because He isn't giving it to us. It's because our hands are still full of the past. If we're honest, sometimes we hold on because letting go is scary. It's actually terrifying. So today we're gonna wrestle with some honest questions about surrender, pain, control, forgiveness, and trust. So, Ellie, I want to ask you the loaded question. Out of all of the eight struggles that I mentioned, what resonates with you the most? And then what have you seen from the people maybe you in your circle or that you've experienced, what do you think resonates with them the most? Start with you.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Well, I I I know what resonates with me is forgiveness. And and it's it's something that I've been working on and I continue to work on. And and in order to do that, I had to do a couple of things. I had to look inward, of course, and and ask myself those hard questions like what does forgiveness look like? And there was a time that I was very, very confused because to me, forgiveness felt like I swept everything that they did to me under the carpet, and we continued a relationship and we skedaddled down the road and we braided each other's hair. And that's why forgiveness for me felt so overwhelming, and it felt like it needed time and it needed distance and it needed all of these variables to make it look or be okay so I could forgive. So the first thing that I had to realize was that forgiveness doesn't always equal reconciliation. Correct. And I always struggled with you have to forgive them for yourself. And so there was so much that went into forgiveness because it felt like a tall order. It felt like a big task. And and and there's so much that's that's that that's wrapped up into that concept of forgiveness. So the first thing that I had to realize was, okay, forgiveness doesn't have to equal reconciliation. Forgiveness doesn't even mean you ever have to trust that person again. Or talk to them again. Correct. Yeah. So I think for me, that is where I had to to begin. Then the realization of you do have to forgive for yourself. Because what unforgiveness was doing for me, and if I could be honest, some days still do, is it eats away at you. It can eat away at your health, it can eat away at your mental health for sure. Here's what else it does it it eats away at your ability to trust. And it also ultimately eats away at your walk with the Lord. So that the forgiveness definitely uh resonates with me. Control absolutely resonates with me. You know, the the the unknown is a scary place to operate from. And you know, being a single mom and and and everybody has a reason why they can, you know, uh say that they hold on to control. And uh the reality is, Dawn, you are correct. Control is an illusion. And and even holding on to offenses is even in that, it gives you the illusion of control. And there's you know, there is no control. God is sovereign, God is almighty. And you know, somebody said something to me once a long time ago, and I actually spoke to a friend about this this week. We talked about it. Reality doesn't care if you like it or not, it's here and it's always gonna come. That's right. Where I think I've seen people that I know struggle with is fear. You know, in my circle, there's a lot of moms that have young adults that are driving on the road making life choices that you know you can see that they they may or may not be making the best of choices. And you have to kind of let it play out because you have to realize that the good Lord has a testimony for them too, and we can't block that testimony but with their mom. You know, we've we've we've made the mistakes, we've gained the wisdom, and our instinct is to protect. But there you go again. There's the the the control and the surrender and the trust that God is sovereign, God is almighty. God has a testimony and a story for them, and you have to get out of his way. And you can't even get out of your you can't even get out of his way for yourself. Imagine how much more difficult it would be for your children. So that's kind of where I live sometimes. But the forgiveness is, you know, something that I'm working through and I understand why it's necessary.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

I want to go back to something that you said about that, it affects your health. And I just want to read something that I just looked up as you were speaking, but it says unforgiveness significantly impacts physical and mental health by keeping your body in a chronic state of stress. Holding on to anger, resentment, and bitterness causes elevated heart rate and blood pressure. Your weakened immune system and cortisol stress levels are high. So, in a weakened immune system, resentment keeps the body in a fight or flight mode, which can inhibit the immune system's ability to fight off illness. I mean, I don't know if you've ever read the book, and I'm still trying to get through the whole thing because it's a little bit of a tough read, but it's the body keeps the score. No. And it's about like stress and trauma and the things that you've been through and how your body really does keep score of that. And it's proven medically that when you don't forgive or when you're, you know, living in bitterness, that it actually affects you. It's why people say it's like drinking the poison and drinking the right. You drink the poison and you expect the other person to die. It's not gonna happen, right? You're you're actually slowly killing yourself. And it's it is a slow death because every day it's like you're getting up and your mind is doing that again, mental gymnastics, and you're stressing out and you're replaying the hurts and the things the things that you could have done. I remember you said something to me last week though, that one of the reasons that you struggle with the idea of because we talked about this, and I was like, oh, it's not about you know the other person, it's about releasing it and giving it to God and just you just, you know, letting it go, right? And you want to meet else again, didn't you? You don't ever have to have a relationship with that person again if you you know so should so choose to not to. You know, we don't have to be in toxic relationships if it's not healthy for us, and or if we need to take a season, right? I I know with my dad, I had many times where we took some seasons off because I had to work through some things, right? And some of them were longer than others. But you had mentioned to me in that conversation that the reason that you struggled was because God forgives us and he doesn't say, Oh, well, I forgive you, but I can't stay in a relationship. I know.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

And there you go. Isn't that true though, Dawn? Yeah, it is. But you know, the Bible tells us forgive others as you want your father to forgive you, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Right. So But it also says don't be unequally yoked, so which means we don't have to do life with those people that are not healthy for us. And that helps, right? That helps. So yes, God forgives us, and he's but we're his children. Right, right. And so he created us, right? So I know that that's a hard concept, but it also does again say, right, that we're not to be equally yoked. And we talked about this last time. Yoked is like you're tied with that person, you're gone the same direction. Right. If you're not, it's okay to not be in relationship with them, but it you don't have to be bitter about it. It's just like, hey, we're not good for each other, and we're just gonna go in different directions. Right, you know, yeah. For unforgiveness is, and I think a lot of people struggle even more so with the idea of forgiving themselves, you know, for the things that they've done through their lives.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

They carry the guilt and the shame, and you know, I I mean Well, you know, it I'm glad you brought that up because I'm about to share something and I'm gonna share it with the listeners, and you don't even know this. And I think I may have tapped on this. And, you know, the years that I lived in darkness and my Catholic background, every good Friday, I put myself through it. What is that? I take myself to the tool shed. I I'm learning this new expression. Am I am I butchering it? I have no idea. Okay, thank you, because I don't know either. I've heard it and I'm trying to-to the tool shed. I think I took myself to the tool shed. So I'm gonna go with that. What did you do at the tool shed? But every good Friday. Did you stall your fingers off? I I I I I give myself an emotional beating. I I you want to talk about renew reviewing everything that I did in my mind, you know, that for that particular day I have amnesia to there is no condemnation in Christ, and you are born again, and you are a new creation, and the old is gone, and all that wonderful truth that I know. It is a day that I condemn myself, I relive my shame, I relive my guilt, I beg God for forgiveness, I say I'm sorry a million times, I I I really give myself an emotional beating every Good Friday. This year is the first year that I don't have any plans to do that. The first year ever since I've come into the Lord. Wow. When I was living in darkness, I didn't do any of that on Good Friday.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

But yes, this is the first year that I said I am not doing this. I am forgiven, I am redeemed, I am made whole, I am worthy, the past is gone, and I do not need to take myself on this emotional roller coaster on Good Friday. It's the the guilt, what was getting to me, and it would keep me in that emotional place for the entire day was I am not worthy. Look at what the what Jesus did today and look how I lived in darkness for it.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

But the reason that he did it is because we're not worthy.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

And there you go, and there was the rub.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

You actually, and I, you know, I had I had I I used to do this myself, and I mean we all do it to some extent, but I know what that's like to like beat yourself up for the things that you've done or or feel that that guilt and that shame and and it and also like even my early years of being a Christian, I mean, I didn't have it all together. I mean, I still don't have it all together, but I mean like I was really trying to walk that thing out. You talk about walking out your salvation with fear and trembling. I mean, I I yeah, I was because I was still living in the world and I still had, you know, I was a single mom and I was trying to figure things out and I was still making all the mistakes and I was choosing the wrong relationships for all the wrong reasons and you know, all the things because tangibly, right, like I needed to do what I needed to do for myself because I was still living in survival mode. Yes, right, yes, and so yeah, even that going through those years of trying to forgive and you know yourself, but then you come to realize like that's it's actually like spitting in Jesus' faith and face and saying, like, hey, that wasn't good enough. That was good enough for everybody else, but it's not good enough for me.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Right. Right. Ouch. Yeah. And there's a piece that came over me. I'm no longer doing that to myself. And notice I say, I'm no longer doing that to myself. I'm owning that. That's not the enemy. That's not that is me truly knewing, knowing, premeditated that that was how I was gonna spend my Good Friday. It was planned. My beating was planned.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

You know, we talk about unforgiveness, and unforgiveness usually leads to this bitterness route, right? And so let's talk about something that many people struggle with, which is bitterness, because eventually it becomes you you become a bitter person. It starts off as like you don't forgive them, but then as it as it gets deeper and deeper and deeper into you, and it says in Hebrews 12, 15, see to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. And I and I love that because it's like giving us that warning that it's not even just about you. When you become bitter, think about all the things and all the people that you hurt because of your bitterness. You don't trust, you can't have relationships, you're, you know, easily offended.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

You know, and you know, when I hear the word bitterness, what resonates with me, and you said it best on, you know, anger is one thing, but you know, you know that it's kind of crossed over that line to bitterness when you see that person actually doing well or succeeding or finding that amazing job or that amazing relationship, and you find yourself going, You gotta be kidding me. Yeah, are you kidding me right now? I thought you said, Lord, that you know, the wicked weren't gonna prosper, and that you saw what they did to me, and I'm here and I'm still in the same struggle financially, or I'm still a single mom, and I haven't met, you know, the husband that you have for me yet, and you know, or my kids are acting out, or I just lost my job, and yet this person did this to me, and it seems like the wicked are prospering, Lord. Are you listening? Are you there? So that's how you're you're crossing that line into from anger to true bitterness that it's that it's rooted in you, you know, and and and and and and not having that ability almost to step back and say, God has a purpose and a plan for all of us. The rain falls on the just and the unjust. Amen. Right? Yeah. The rain falls on the just and the unjust. And and and trusting in God's plan and trusting that he is our vindicator. He he sees it, he didn't miss it. If he's allowing it, there's a purpose in it.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

I don't even think it's sometimes people that have hurt you that you feel that way about. I know for me, if I'm being honest, I mean, I've just seen people that aren't living right, and I'm thinking, I'm trying to get my life together and I'm trying to do right, and I'm trying to live for the Lord. And look at that person, they're prospering. And that even has become bitterness in in me over the years. I mean, it's like you almost feel like, what the heck am I like? Why am I trying so hard? Why am I trying to do the right thing? It doesn't get you anywhere. Yeah. Does God, do you even see me? Do you see what they're doing? And do you see how I'm trying? And and you're still struggling and you're still going through it. And and so it does, it becomes bitterness, and then you become jealous and resentful and all of these things.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

And so you know, Dawn, if if I could say something that may help you, that kind of made me turn the corner on it for people that I didn't for people that didn't hurt me. I can't wait to get to the day where I can feel this way towards the people that have hurt me, and you know, but for other people I was told once the devil doesn't attack those he already has. So when I would see people not living right or or or doing the wrong thing or or, you know, in my mind, that's what helped that particular bitterness. Where I struggle is the ones that hurt me. I have to put that in my head that if they're if they're they're they're that same evil person and they haven't repented and come to the Lord and tried to change or offer an apology, which most times we never get the apology we deserve. And and and and that that in itself is hard to accept, you know. But it always helped me to try to realize okay, the devil doesn't attack those that he has. I don't know if that's true though.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

Really? I I feel like come on, that's what gets me through. No, but we have these things, these cliches that make us feel better. Yes. But I've seen, I mean, I work with homeless people, I work with people who are not living right and not doing the right thing, and I work with victims of sexual trauma and all of the things. And I mean, you can't tell me the devil's not attacking them. That's not a true statement. Now, I will say, I think the devil comes harder for them. I think we live in a world where the devil is just running rampant for everything. Yeah, he's after everybody. Oh, yes. Now, I do think that when you turn a corner and you're trying to get your life, I've seen it happen. Man, the devil's coming full full force. And some of my my girls will say, like, I don't understand what's happening. And I'm like, Oh, honey, you're you're you're elevating. Right. Like, he's mad that you're you're you've given your life to the Lord and you're trying now to do the right thing. And so you're elevating. He's literally trying to pull you back into the pit of hell. Isn't that crazy? Just think about that. Oh, it's insane. But that is what is happening. He's literally trying to pull you back. But it says, it doesn't say in the Bible anywhere that I mean, I'm sorry, Al to burst your bubble, but don't burst it. Don't you do it? Literally, it says he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. It doesn't say just believers.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:56

He's coming, he's he is mad, yeah, right, that we exist, right? Even and and I've heard this, and this is there's truth in this. He knows people's potential, right? So let's just say that there's someone that he knows has potential in them. He's seen glimpses, he's still gonna, he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour. Those are the truths in the Bible. It doesn't say he only attacks the people who are living for the Lord. I think he comes for everybody. I think we experience things in a different way because if he can get what he's trying to do is get to our identity, right? Not trust God, right? He can't really get you back into hell, but he can make you live a miserable life until you get to heaven. Does that make sense? I'm sorry at first, I see it all over your face. You're like, what just happened? Well, that's not that's just not gonna happen. Now, I I think I've thought that too. Like, okay, well, maybe I mean, I think it makes us feel better. It makes us feel better to say, oh, you know, they're just they just live in great because the devil's not coming after them, but be I am living such a good and righteous life, and so the devil's coming for me. That just makes us feel better.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Well, you know, and and I'm gonna I'm gonna go there with the movie clip. I'm doing it. Okay. I I already started with Elsa with Frozen. I started with uh, you know, a Broadway production. I'm going in for the movie. Okay. Do you remember that movie, God's Not Dead? Yeah, I actually never saw it, believe it or not. Okay, well, there was there's a scene. And those of you that have seen this hopefully can remember this scene. And it's uh a son that goes to visit his mom. Okay. And she has dementia. And he was not living right. And he was sitting in her room and said to her, I don't understand about this God that you serve. I don't understand about this faith that you have. You were you're the nicest person I know, you're the kindest person I know. You you've lived your life the right way. I'm a horrible person. I'm a bad husband, I'm a bad dad, or whatever he was saying. I I I worship money, I I, you know, I do all that. But I I have it all, and here you are with dementia. I have a beautiful wife, I have kids, I have money, I have position, I have power, I have it all. And my life is great, and you're here with dementia. And I was waiting, I could not wait for her to answer him. That was the moment for me. And she said something along the lines, and everybody can go watch that scene for themselves, and she stared out in into kind of like nowhere, and she said, Sometimes the devil lets you continue to live a life like that because he doesn't want you to bring bring you to God. Your sin is like a jail cell. The doors are open and you can walk through it anytime you want, but he wants to keep you in sin until wait for it, wait for it, Dawn. Until one day those doors close and it's too late. So that's where that ideology for me came like, okay, okay. He's gonna let you go, and he's gonna let you self-destruct, and he's gonna let you keep going and going and going because that's where he wants you to be. Because one day those jail cells are doors are gonna close and it's too late.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

Well, it does talk about that in the Bible that eventually he he he's gonna keep track, God's God is gonna keep trying to get your attention, and then eventually he's gonna turn you over to your own desires.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Is that not the scariest thing right there?

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Yeah, I mean, and it but it talks about also that like you know, we we're like dogs that return to our vomit. It's true. Like there, I think there's also this misconception that God doesn't ever cause pain in in the world, right? Well, it's not God, it's the no, it's not always the devil. Some of it is our is our choices, right? We have free will, and so there are consequences to our choices which we don't want to face up to. It's the truth.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

We want to justify.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

I do something stupid, and now I have to pay the consequences, and now I'm trying to blame God or the devil.

SPEAKER_00 28:39

It's a spiritual attack, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:41

It's just me and my stupidity, right? Right. Or like there was times in the Bible, there were times in the Bible where God, you know, he executed his wrath on people. You know, it it talks about in the Bible how God, you know, he he uses who we talked about this, who he wants for his purposes. That's right. He can harden someone's heart, which oh, I I told you earlier today, like I'm so thankful. Thank you, Lord, that I'm that I know the Lord, and I wasn't one of the ones who he hardened my heart. Now there's all this talk of, well, did he know that the person was going to harden their heart anyway? And so he just used them for evil. I don't know. We'll figure that all out when we get to heaven, right? But he does, it says, vengeance is mine, says the Lord. Right? So, like we're talking about some of this let it go things. Well, sometimes there's times in your life where, and I think this is where we come to the real, how do we let it go? All the things, all the things, though. I love that. How do we let it go? We let it go because we trust God. We trust his plan and his purposes. For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you hope in a future. I am a masterpiece created to do good works, which God has already planned in advance for me. Right? When you start to know those truths, you're like, you know what? God's got it all. It doesn't matter if somebody tries to slander me, if they hurt me, if they get on my bus, they get off the bus, they, they, they don't give me closure, angry because we've talked about this. We have to get to a place in forgiveness where we can see that person as God's child. Right. And see the hurt that they experience to make them the person that then hurt you. Right. And when you start to ask God, break my heart for what breaks yours, and get me to that place where I can see that person as you see them. I mean, the only reason that I can do the job that I do on a daily basis when people tell me to go pound sand or they're yelling in my face or they're upset, or that I can see that child, and it's only through God that I can sometimes maintain. But like, and it doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes it does, right? And so, you know, I see that I see people through the way God sees them. I see that child that that was hurt and traumatized, and then you have to see for yourself the person who hurt me, man. What what got them to that point? And maybe it wasn't abuse as a child, or it was maybe it wasn't your parent, maybe it was a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

But what happened to scare them to, you know, or where did we get to this place where they felt like they had to hurt me?

SPEAKER_00 31:46

Or what didn't they let go? Right. What didn't they let go? Correct. And you know, it it's it and I I we talked about this, and and I'm gonna share this with the listeners. You know, I had gone into therapy for a few reasons, but one of them was specifically for the unforgiveness and the bitterness and the way it was affecting me. And those cortisol levels are real, they are no joke, and you know, the lack of sleep and and and the effect on your physical and mental health is absolutely, truly one hundred percent real. And the therapist had suggested that I write a letter to this person, and it was a close family member. We the the exercise was to write a letter a half hour a day, and then I would bring the letter in, we would discuss it, and then continue on with it. And and I truly don't remember what the what we were gonna do at the end of the letter. I all I know is it wasn't gonna be mailed. I don't know if it was gonna be burned or I I couldn't tell you. So at that time I was really trying to understand forgiveness. And again, going back to that, you know, I don't know what that looks like, I don't know how it's supposed to feel, I don't know, I don't know if I can do this. And I sat down and the very first letter that I wrote, I did just that on just what you said. What broke in her in her? What didn't you let go? What trauma did you endure? What circumstances made you this way? And so my letter was more, I understand. And I surprised myself because I could just picture myself somebody saying, You have the opportunity to write this letter to this person. And all I could think is of you did this is what you made me feel like, and how dare you and me, God, all of it, all of it. And I didn't go there with it. And it was so surprising to me. But what I will tell you I did, and I may have said, should have said this from the beginning, when I was sitting in my prayer chair, I first spoke to God before I wrote the letter. I said, God, less of me and more of you. And that's what came on the paper. Did I expect to go in that direction? No, I wanted to go in the direction that I just explained to you. And I remember when I brought the letter in, the therapist read through it and looked right at me and said, Wow, I didn't think this was the direction we were gonna go. I didn't think this is how this was gonna look as we unpacked this. And I did give her a disclaimer. I said, It may get me on a random Tuesday where it may look different, but for now, this is where my heart, this is the direction that I'm going. So it's so true. Unpack them. Unpack them. I I'm not gonna say that that always helps all the time every day. You know, that that concept of hurt people, hurt people. I get it.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

Well, I think I think the idea is that like we think we forgive and then we never feel the effects of it. And that's not true. There are things, and I I've said this before, that will forever, they just alter you. Now there will come a day where, you know, as you walk through, you get up every day and you say, I mean, I have to imagine that that letter was so freeing in in so many ways, and also like beautiful that God gave you that perspective because we're all God, you know, God, we're all God's creation, we're not all God's children, right? But but we're all God's creation, and the intent is that He has great plans for us, and sometimes somewhere, you know, something happens to a person. No one is born. God, we don't, we're not born to be abusers or or narcissists or you know, evil people. We're not born that way. Something in society causes us to be that way. And I try to think, like, man, how sad for that person. What had have they experienced? Now, do I do that all the time when when the when the moment happens when somebody pops off or somebody hurts you or the experience? Right. No, of course not. But as you process through that, right, right, and as you take it to to God over and over and over again, and sometimes you wrote that letter and God gave you that perspective. And sometimes it's a daily reminder of going back. I don't know what you did with that letter, but even if you burned it, but going back to remembering that letter and that moment when God showed you that thing, right? Right, right, and saying, Okay, God, I forgive. Okay, God, I forgive. And as you do that, I think the pain becomes less and less and less as you walk through it. The experience is still there. I mean, we're humans. What unless we have amnesia, we're gonna get amnesia, we're gonna get hypnotized. The experience is still there, right? But I do think the pain lessens over time as you continually forgive.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

I was gonna say that's a key part of it. You gotta give time the time it needs to. Right.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

But you also every day have to get up. You can't go back to the bitter root.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Right. Right. You can't go back to that vomit.

SPEAKER_01 38:07

Right. You have to every day remember again what God showed you when you wrote that letter. That's right. And then remember every day to say, God, I forgive, God, I forgive, God, I forgive. Because as you do it, you're releasing it, you're making a conscious choice. That's right. I think we think that forgiveness is a feeling. No, it's where we're all wrapped up in ourselves and our feelings. Right. It's an act of faith. It's a surrender. That's right. I forgive, I forgive, I forgive. And I'll take it a step further. And I learned this a long time ago. Pray for that person. Yes. You know, really pray for them. That's right. Not pray like, hey, God, open their eyes and show them what they did wrong. Right. I'm saying, God bless their life. You know, give them, give them more than they could ever ask, think, or imagine, you know, like blow their socks off to Lord. You know, show them who you are in in their lives. Like, I'm talking prayers of blessings over somebody. Pray that prayer. And as you pray that prayer, and I know that that worked for me in a certain situation, then then it becomes easier and easier and easier.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

And you know what else helped me too, Dawn? You know, you know that, well, they don't deserve that, or they don't deserve to be forgiven. But you do. That's right. So how many things let's go, let let let's let's break that down. How many things did I deserve that the good Lord didn't give to me? And how many things do other people don't deserve or do deserve? If we were all if it was a deserve game, we'd all be in trouble. Sure. So that that was something that had to kind of flip in my mind, flip the script, so to speak. How many things that I deserve, and God's gracie and grace and mercy and favor was new every day. Why that's just for me and not for anybody else.

SPEAKER_01 40:10

Well, I don't know about you, but I have plenty of days where I act like a donkey.

SPEAKER_00 40:16

By the way, let's not talk about vomit anymore if we're gonna go for frozen yogurt after this.

SPEAKER_01 40:23

Oh Lord. So before we close today, I want to pose one question to you, Ellie, and to our listeners and to myself. If God asked you to release the thing you fear losing the most, right? So sometimes, I mean, and and those things I read in the beginning are they are real. Like sometimes we get so wrapped up in our identity being the pain. And so if we let go of the pain, then who are we, right? And so letting go of the pain, like think about if you if you see somebody who's bitter, they're just negative all the time and they're gossipy, and they're just and that becomes who they are. What happens if you let go of the thing that God is asking you to, right? Would you trust him enough to do it? So let that sit for a moment. And then I'm gonna end with something that captures what this struggle often feels like. And this is something that you sent to me this week. Do you have it on your phone?

SPEAKER_00 41:31

I don't have it on my phone. You want to give me a minute? I'll play catch-up real quick. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hold on. I love it. Let's read it out together. Let's do it. I'm putting you on the spot. That's right. I love it. Hold on.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

Let me get so I wanna I want you to imagine this conversation with God. And I I don't be You be God. I don't know about you, but there are times where I literally have some conversations with God, and people are like, You talk to God like that? He can handle it. I sure do.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

He can handle it.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

So we're gonna end with something that captures what the struggle feels like. So we're gonna imagine this conversation with God. Okay, we're gonna go. Ready? Ellie, you need to let go. Of what? Ellie, you know what? God, I'm trying. No, you think you're trying. You're thinking about trying, but you're not actually trying. There is a difference, Ellie. But God, it's hard. I know it's hard. That's why I'm asking you to trust me with it instead of carrying it yourself. But God, what if I let go and nothing happens? What if you let go and everything happens? You're so focused on the risk of the release that you're not seeing the risk of holding on. What does that look like, God? Which is what? You're blocking what I'm trying to give you. Your hands are full of the wrong things. I need you to drop it so I can put the right things in your hands, Ellie. Okay. How? Stop trying to figure it out. Just do it. Release it. Trust me to catch what matters and let the rest fall. Maybe that's the question we all need to ask ourselves today. What am I still holding on to that God is asking me to release? And maybe the breakthrough you've been praying for isn't waiting on more effort. Maybe it's waiting on the surrender. So as we wrap up today, we just want to thank you for spending this time with us. If this conversation resonated with you in any way, if it challenged you, encouraged you, or maybe even made you wrestle with something in your own life, we'd love for you to help us get this message out. Make sure that you like our podcast. Make sure you subscribe and I want you to share this podcast with someone who might need to hear it today. You never know who might be holding on to something heavy and just need a reminder that they don't have to carry it alone. And if you're enjoying We're Dealing, where life and faith get messy, leave us a review and follow along so you never miss an episode. Thank you for being here today. And remember, faith is not always easy. It's not clean and simple. Sometimes it's messy, and that's okay because here on We're Dealing, life and faith are messy. Have a good week. Bye bye.